Just realized that sometimes being single blows

Sometimes I see happy couples and I want that, and then I realize I'm single. I do want someone special but I don't know if it's a good time to add someone to my life. I'm still trying to get my life sorted out and started. Some day ill have a partner by my side, just gonna built up my life to what I want. Is it wrong to wanna be successful and be able to take care of someone.

Happy new year kinda

I'm single and sick on New Years , good thing that's all that's wrong with this years start. I'm doing better at tattooing and my Piercings. I wanna travel soon, don't know where though. Going to take advantage of this freedom, maybe a few life experiences will make me a better person and a better lover.

Single by choice

So I decided I'm not ready for a relationship right now in my life bc I'm finding myself and starting my tattoo journey. I do want someone special but right now tattooing and piercing are my priorities , but doesn't mean I can't flirt right. Jake and I were talking the other day and we both came to a conclusion that I'm a free spirit and the who wants me has to fit into my life.

Alone by choice

I have been single for a good min now and I must say that I like it. I don't answer to anyone and I'm free to go and do whatever. I do feel lonely when I go to sleep and wake up in bed, I have been putting my foot down and realize that I need a bf that is in my world or art. He doesn't need to be a tattoo artist just into art and into the art world. I work crazy hours and can't wear myself thin trying to make time for him and work all the time it's either one or the other. I also got in touch with my old mma gym and I'm hoping to start training again. I went to see " here comes the boom" last night and the thrill and rush of mma woke back up inside me so I wanna get back into it and get fit.

Finally got the explorer running

Worked hard to get the explorer running again but it's going good. I had to replace the muffler and my front driver side brake fell off when I drove it haha. It's all good now I hope :) now all I need to do is just get it registered and inspected and ill be good to go. I don't know what to name it though, it just hasn't came to me yet. Oh and I left E bc we just were not compatible at all, ever since then I have seen y true love D a few times. He just puts a super smile on my face, we are only talking now and not making any crazy moves. I don't know what the future is between us and I'm not planning one. If he is planning to move away soon we will just hang out till then but if not maybe we'll just figure it out. He is different now than he used to be and I'm still trying to see if its for the better or the worst ha ha, but he's still a great kisser :p

Happy Halloween

So I left E bc the relationship ran its full length. I just wasn't happy anymore, E isn't a bad guy just not the guy for me. I didn't go out this year and do any special Halloween activities other than work, but it's not all bad bc I did finally get a tattoo by my buddy today. Feels good to get bad ass work. Only did the lines and shading today, when its healed he is gonna finish it.

New vehicle

I finally bought a vehicle , it's not the newest car but its new to me. It's a 92 ford explorer 4x4 4 door. It was dirty and wasn't running to good when I got it but hey I only paid $1000 for it. We lifted the hood and noticed it was only smoking bc there was oil build up on the engine and it was burning it off. I do need to change the thermostat and the regular maintenance. E and I took it to the car wash last night and we degreased the engine and washed the outside, and then we vacuumed the interior. I got all kinds of cleaning supplies and I was amazed to see that under all the filth that it was in geeat shape. No torn seats or stains I couldn't get out, no burn marks which means the owners were not smokers. All the lights work and the ac needs a little work but all in all it's a great buy. I love that its 4 door and 4x4. I have always wanted a SUV, now I have to save and get the title changed into my name.. Get insurance.. Get the inspection, get license plates and I'm good to go. I do need to busy ass this month and next so I can cover all the costs without going broke. I do still have to pay rent and electricity lol, life isn't easy yet but it's getting pretty fuckin close ha ha.

Sold the beast Betty

Finally decided to sell my bronco and get a more dependable vehicle. Now the car search begins

Lets just say today is an unhappy day

Why is it that when things start looking up things always do a 180° and shit hits the fan for me? I work hard and do what I need to in life in order to pay my bills and not be a burden to others yet life keeps knocking me down. I just want to be happy and live my awesome life.

Had a strange day

Wow just ended my day, I didn't sell Betty just yet but I do have a serious buyer. When and if I do sell Betty ill have enough money saved to put a down payment on a newer car. Also if I keep saving I should have enough to just buy a car on CL, only problem with that is that it's risky buying a car not from a dealership. I will figure it out, anyways I had a great night with J we stayed up late and watched Ink Master and drew some cool shit! I'm more motivated to keep drawing my style of tattoos. Now to learn to shade em and tattoo them how I want.

It's been a while

Can't remember the last time I made a post, well guess ill fill y'all in. I now work full time as a tattoo artist and body piercer at Primal Instinct tattoo in Odessa, Tx. I live on my own with my two roommates J and K. I have an amazing life but life is never without worry or responsibility, I pay my bills on time and make smart decisions so I won't have to rely on people but I'm not perfect. I have a new man in my life E, he treats me really good. All relationships are hard to balance out in the beginning, and man did we have a beginning ha ha. I'm noticing that my life is evolving and I am growing into my own person in this world, I once thought I was invisible and would always be that way. Not anymore, I wake up and can't wait to start the day bc I never know what to expect. Yeah sometimes life caves in on me and I find it hard to breathe but that is what makes it worth living, I've had to think about what my actions are going to cause for my future and I'm wading through all the hard work to get to the awesome little moments life has given and hopefully will keep giving to me and my friends. Who knows maybe the next time I wrote another post , my life will have another story to tell.

Seeing the world with new eyes

So being single is fun and very freeing, but that small lonely feeling keeps creeping in at night when I go to bed alone. Yeah I want someone to love and cherish in time but for now I kinda just wanna have my fun. Living with my. Roommates is great, I pay my bills and after that I do whatever the fuck I want. Now that doesn't mean I do dumb shit it just means I leave and come back when I want and I don't answer to anyone.  Freedom is great

??

Ever just wanna go deaf for a day so the noise of life will let you think?  Need another vacation,  where to??  Might just go alone this time.

Damn

Ppl see me and I'm all smiles but honestly inside I'm freaking out. I've got 3 days to make rent and then more for my bills. I would have had it all taken care of if the biker rally wasn't such a bust. I've never felt like such a failure till now, all I wanna do is drive out till the middle of a field and yell till I can't yell anymore. I really haven't cried but now I do.

Been a while

Haven't been able to post lately bc I've been busy dealing with other adventures. I don't think I have time for love or even to like someone right now. Good news is that I've got betty rolling and I'm moving in with my best friends. I see my family every now and then but not much just mainly my mom. I feel lost, like I don't know where I'm going. I took a good drive to my moms the other day and just drove and thought.  I made it this far without any man, I got all the money for betty and pushed myself to struggle and learn to tattoo. I got me here without a bf. So I asked myself, do I really need a man right now?  Yeah it would be great to not go to sleep alone every night but I just don't wanna deal with emotional drama. The only person I see myself with and not losing any drive for my tattooing is D, but that in a nutshell is a mystery. I don't know if he wants to be around long term. Time will tell right?  Just going to concentrate on my life and if he feels like he wants to be apart of my life that's on him.

Time to move out

So I've been staying at my friends apt on and off for the past month and well I've decided to move out on my own with my friends. I have a great paying job and I'm taking care of all my own expenses. I know the value of a dollar from working for free at my first shop and how to manage my money from my x, I'm 24 so its about time I started living my own life. Its been a huge struggle with getting Betty's title and fixing her up to running condition, to finally finding a shop that will help me reach new levels of my tattooing, letting my heart heal and love myself. I've had so many great loves in my life and I've learned a great deal from each and every relationship, I have found my voice to say what I want and the strength the stand my ground. I am ready for love but not looking for it, I now know that in order for someone to live a life with me they have to be apart of my life and I mean ALL my life. I don't live the average life and I never intend to go back to living one, I am headed to the sky and beyond so whoever is standing by my side better be ready for a ride. Its funny bc through all my struggles and achievements I have always had one man in my heart, nobody will ever take his place and I know that now. I can never forget him nor do I want to forget him and the love we shared.  My past is what has driven me to be who I am today, I will never take that for granted. Thank you for making a place in my heart. Oh and I don't know if I posted my new tattoo from my amazing boss.

I know now why i dont wanna be at home

So many fucking ppl here, its like a fucking mini apartment with all these ppl here. I can't even hear myself think or even have a shred of privacy, yeah I'm gonna pack some clothes up and be at jakes.

Its easy to forget how the rest of the world lives

anyone<p>My life is awesome, I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything its just well my life is awesome. I tattoo and pierce for money at one of thr best shops in the area, when I get off work I do what I want. I don't have to worry about bills bc I make money everyday, not saying I'm untouchable just that I'm blessed enough to live a life without worry. I don't have rules to follow at work, there isn't a punch clock to sign into, my shops meetings are us standing in front of the shop talking about tattoos. I forget that others don't have this, they have rules and tribulations to overcome everyday. I some mad weed when I want and for someone to tell me to slow down is rude, I don't do it at work and I don't pressure others into doing it. I work and live like the rest of the world just much more free than most so if I wanna smoke after work I will smoke out of every pipe in the apt lol. I'm not harming anyone so I don't appreciate someone who knows nothing of my life to tell me what to do. I'm the one who worked for free to learn how to tattoo, I was the one who failed and failed just to get up and fail again till I finally found good friends and make a name for myself. I will go far and still have the drive to be great, so never let my personal recreational activities be a hinder to who I am.

Movin on

So work is great, can't really complain about much. I love the balance I have as a tattoo artist and piercer. I have been awakened to how much tattooing means to me, the decisions I have had to make are worth it

Oh and im dying my beard red again

I like it and I never should have changed it, this is me :)

First night knowing im single :(

I used to sleep at night knowing he was mine and I was his but now I'm nobody's.  My best friend gave me a sweet tattoo today to make me feel better, its amazing!!!  Pics below :) All I can do is suck it up,not shed a tear,  work hard,  and move on. Kuma was and still is perfect but our lives just didn't click, hope he lives a very successful life.

This is going to be hard

So kuma ended it, he's not a bad person just more like our lives were going in different directions.  Today is the first day and yeah its not easy, I miss him but missing him isn't enough. I'm deciding to stop using my fb or txt for a bit even stop blogging for a min so I can just focus on my life and what I need to do to go further. If that means being alone then its a sacrifice I have to take. I hate the way it sounds but I chose my tattooing over my love life.

These silly songs

Been absent for a while huh, lets do a quick catch up. Work is amazing, more amazing than I dreamt of. Been staying with slim more and more since I got back from seeing Kuma.  Just not a place for me at home anymore. I love my life how it is, but that's the thing. I love Kuma with all my heart but I look at my life and how much I love it the way it is. I've struggled through a lot to achieve this amazing family I've slowly been able to put together.  I have been plagued by the same thoughts for a few days already. What will I do when the time comes? Can I leave my tattoo family? Will I leave my tattoo family? I don't know how to say it or who to say it to so ill say it on here. I sometimes worry that Kuma is going to hold me back from my tattooing even though he supports me 100% my lifestyle isn't an easy one. I do what I want when I want bc I can, that's one of the privileges of tattooing. Now kuma on the other hand has his job and soon he will be busy getting his business off the ground, I hate to bring it up but there is also the age gap. Trust me when I say age is a number when it comes to love, but what about lifestyles. I'm young and I am very active, I smoke weed after work and on my days off. My job isn't really a job bc I get to draw and color on ppl all fucking day, when I get home I still have energy to be up till 5am. I don't see that being something very compatible in the relationship I have with Kuma.  I never talk about my worries to Kuma especially now since he's been in the hospital. I hate thinking it so that's why I never say it, but I need to concentrate on my tattooing and don't think my life mixes well with kumas :( what am I suppose to say to him, I love him and don't want to break his heart. I don't have any answers so for now all I can do is handle my life the best way I can and take whatever consequences come my way. Only think I know is that one day I will be named one of the greatest tattoo artists alive.

One more day!!

Its been what feels like forever since I've seen the man I love,but now we are only a day away from being in each others arms. So many things planned for our trip together. As long as I'm with him I'll be happy. The best thing I can do is stand by my man's side and live my life with him and take whatever we have to face head on. I'm working on getting Betty's title after I get back and after that I might be moving in with my friends so I wont have to sleep in my parents laundry room anymore. I'll. Be happy to be on my own, I make plenty of money to cover all my bills plus if I have my own room Kuma will be able to come stay with me for a few days. Not that there is anything to see or do in west texas lol. Lets see we have a tiny mall in both towns, a drive in theatre, some ok restaurants,  a gay club I hate going to, oh and there is one ok bar that does karaoke.  We'll figure something out when the time comes, he still has to meet the family too.

I dont know his past

I don't know what his past holds for our future but I'm willing to learn and not judge him for the past but for the man he is today. I don't like knowing he's in some kind of stress or pain and not being able to do anything about it. We have a tough road ahead of us after this trip. Idk when we will be able to see each other again, guess this is going to be one of our biggest challenges so far. I'm not going to give up. I love this man, he has given my life something its been missing for a long time. I knew the risks with having a long distance relationship when I first started talking to Kuma, it takes both ends to be strong enough to make it through. I know he has a lot on his plate, I only hope that it doesn't cause him to break and leave me. I can't afford to think like that, not at a time like this. I will give him all the support I can from wherever I am.

Best bday ever, well amost

<p>Spend my bday yesterday with some friends at the cinco de mayo celebration. Was a great idea to go, we got on a few rides while we were super high and had a blast. But the best part was my Skype date with Kuma. He completed it even though we are so far apart. I look at my ring and remind myself of how blessed and thankful I am to have him in my life. The days seem so bleak when I'm not tattooing or just at the shop now that I'm back. I got a taste of what it's like to live with him and I didn't wanna get on the plane and leave him. I was perfect seeing his face and telling him I love him just before I closed my eyes and when I would wake he was still there and not just a dream. I love the way he loves me, I've never been kissed the way he kisses me. I especially love his big bear hugs lol, and how he isn't afraid to show me affection in public. He's proud to be seen with me like I am with him. I had to get used to it at first but now it's second nature to me. We've worked and fixed on some of the issues we were saving for when we were face to face, I think we are communicating way better than when we hadn't seen each other. Going back on the 25th yay I can't wait, gonna go to Galveston to spend a day on the beach and do some other cool things. I'm just happy I'll be back in his arms and be able to smother him in kisses again ;)

Not the words I wanted to hear but needed

Told my boss at the shop I put in my 2 Weeks at work and he asked why. Kinda surprised me but now I know why, he knows I'm having trouble with some areas of my tattooing and doesn't want me to get into a situation where I can't tattoo bc I need to study and work on my drawing more and be broke. He said it would be wise to maybe work 3 days a week at work just so I'm making a for sure check every 2 Weeks. I messaged my old boss and he said he will try his hardest to get me into his branch which is closer to home and not as fucked up as the one I'm at now. I did read a tattoo book Kuma got me for my bday and learned a great deal about stuff I never thought about to ask my boss. So now that I kinda know what to ask I'm going to not hesitate to ask. I can't stop thinking of Kuma and missing him. I look at the ring he got me any chance I can lol, it's a beautiful ring but that's not why I always look at it. I can't stop looking at it bc it's from him, he gave it to me with all his love. Shows me that I really am appreciated and loved. It's no longer my life now, we are both striving for a future together and doing the necessary things to ensure our relationship survives. He surprised me when I was in Houston with him, I'm used to D acting like I was a complete stranger in public but Kuma holds my hand and doesn't hesitate to hug me for pics when there are dozens of ppl around, he even kisses me. It's all a new experience to me and I love it, I love him. Finally found the one I've deserved my whole life.

Counting down the days

Readily I count down the days to when I'll be in Houston with Kuma again. It's not the same being back home, I just don't fit in here. One thing that is really bringing me down is that my mom of all ppl is against me going full time with my tattooing. Does she think I did it as a hobby? This is my dream and I am going to achieve it. There isn't anything that will stop me from reaching it and holding me back from moving away as far as I possibly can. I don't need negative influences in my life. As it stands I am just biding my time here in midland till I have the skills and cash to move away and never look back. I know it's not going to be some fairytale when I move with Kuma but I know I won't have my dreams stomped on. Tired of having to wait on everyone and be a background person, I try to not be here as much or in my room a lot bc I just don't click well with their lifestyle. I strive for something better than settling for what I can get bc it's easy, I know I deserve a good and happy life so I'll do what it takes to get it. I was blessed with the perfect man and a huge opportunity to tattoo now I just have to work on brining to two together. I miss going to bed with Kuma next to me and waking up to his gorgeous face.

He ceases to amaze me everyday

So tonight we went to an event Kuma helps run once a month at a lil bar/club for his gaming group called gaymers. It took me a min to adjust and fall into the groove of things. I always find new ways to love this man everyday. I love being introduced as his bf, but hate that everyone acts like it was an impossible thing for him. He's a total catch and I'm the lucky one to have him in my life.

Had a great day with the man I love

No zoo bc they closed at 4 today rather than the usual 6pm so we went to walk in the Japanese gardens for a few hours. met one of his good friends and be was awesome enough to take pics of us. Can't imagine being with anyone else now or any other time. For the longest time I had only known a man who acted like I wasn't his partner in public, now that I'm with Kuma he isn't afraid to hug me in front of anyone or kiss me when I need it most. We had a moment today where I wasn't ok and we talked and all I wanted was for him to hug me and tell me I'm his one and only. He did just that and didn't hesitate to hold me tight and kiss me, I needed reassurance from him. And yeah I swore to never cry again after I was hurt so bad, I let one slip. I feel comfortable with him so idk how my goodbye is going to be like. I don't want to leave his side now that I'm here. Zoo tomorrow yay finally!!

Yay I love him

Be jealous bc this is what I got to wake up to this morning.

Almost there

I'm so excited to be so close to being in Houston with Kuma, tomorrow is the big day yay!!! Can't stop listening to romantic love songs , what can I say I'm in love lol. I have gone through so much to get to this point and now that I have a great man and my tattoo lifestyle is taking off I couldn't be happier. Yesterday on my way to the mall I drove past D's job and I thought of him but not the "I miss him sense" more like I hope he is able to stop letting his family run his life and do what he wants without regrets and just be happy. He did me wrong but I was raised to not hold a grudge, I have my happiness he deserves his.. Just not with me lol bc I have my perfect man. I love my nose piercing but I free tired of the curved barbell so I switched it to a captive ring instead like a bull ring ha ha well I am a Taurus so it suits me, I also got a sweet Batman bellybutton ring. I wanna switch my nipple rings to bars now bc sometimes the rings flip up and I hate it. Oh that reminds me that I'm going to get a tattoo when I get back from Houston, been itching for a new one but didn't wanna travel to see Kuma with a new tat.

Got my septum pierced

I took a lot of thinking and we'll I got it done I have been wanting this piercing for a long time. I asked Kuma what he thought and he said go for it basically . I love it so much, yeah its a pain now but when its healed it'll be worth it.

Life is good

Life just keeps handing me great things, I know it won't always be this way but I've been through my own tough times so I'll be able to handle it especially that now I'm not alone. I've got a tattoo convention this month on the 21 & 22 then leave the 26 to Houston to be with my man. Miss him so much in more ways than one lol ;)

Being sick sucks and not in a good way .

Work at enterpriseis almost unbearable but I make it through fine most days but man lately I have been tempted to quit more than usual. Things are going perfect at the shop I got some major training  done Saturday, I believe I did 10-12 piercings. And I'll be able to make money doing both, so after this upcoming weekend I'll decide if I'm going to put in my 2 Weeks notice. I got sick from one of my piercing teachers but I'm almost better, just sucks being sick at work and not having my Kuma to hug while I rest in bed at home. I have the lil teddy bear he got me for Valentines day but that's a far cry from my real teddy bear waiting for me in Houston. its hard being this far away from him bc we can't read each other very well through the phone and can only console each other so much through the phone. Not to mention that I've been super horny lately, sex is important to me but I can wait. I love him way to much to cheat, when we first started talking more seriously I stopped using growlr all together I haven't used it in months. No matter how much we disagree on some things or how stubborn I am and emotional he is I have yet to think about breaking up with him. I told him when we first me that the next man that hears me say I love you to him will be the one. I gave it a lot of thought and I am in love with him, he gets me and wants us to be happy. He is perfect in my eyes and in my heart. I am very lucky I found him and blessed to have this life with him in it. RAWR babe!

So we made up

It was just one of those times where the bump in the road needed extra time to drive over. Things are back to normal with Kuma and me. It was certainly a learning experience that's for sure. I miss him so much, soon though I'll be with him. Going to be with him from the 26th -30th of April , can't wait then I'm going to be back in Houston in May to see him again.

Idk Wtf to do

I've been noticing that Kuma and I have not been clicking lately. We can't seem to ever say the right thing to each other. I'm so drained with trying to figure out the right thing to say and having to walk on egg shells. I honestly don't know what to do at this point, I told him we should take a break for a day or so to handle the stuff in our lives. I'm having to deal with work crap and my apprenticeship and he has work and school and having to prepare for his roommates family coming into town. Wtf do I do bc I have no clue, is there some manual to this?

What did I do wrong

I don't know if its something I did but Kuma and I have been kinda bumping heads. I had a bad day at work at he tried counseling me instead of just listening and being my support. I told him I'd txt him later bc I was frustrated and I think it clicked that I need his ears more than his mouth. I want to pretend everything is ok but I don't think it is. I'm not used to so many emotions to deal with. he is way to serious, I tried giving him a funny ha ha compliment tonight and he made it seem like I was degrading him. I said he's a sexy trophy bf meaning I think he's fucking hot and I'd be honored to be seen with him, but he took it to literal. yeah I get it your older than me but that doesn't mean you need to always try and guide me when I say something, by doing that it turns into this whole creepy father Son thing. I don't know what tomorrow holds, it could be bad or it could be good you never know. One thing I do know is that I want to be with him bc I see that he's worth it. I've never met another man like him. I have a place for him in my heart but there is still that uncertainty in the back of my mind. I'm always cautious when I'm dealing with matters of the heart. I haven't heard from him since I was helping my bro around 7:30, I don't know if he needs space or what. I left him a few voxer messages but no reply, my mind starts racing with so many answers. Guess I'm just preparing myself for him to leave like the rest. I'm also not going to allow myself to continue with a hopeless relationship if I see it turning into one. I'm trying I really am. The future is unknown at this time.

Living the dream!!!!

So I was just expecting today to be a normal busy Saturday at the shop when BLAMO my amazing boss Tony comes up and says these guys want ass tattoos do you wanna do em? I was nervous and hesitant but said yes. He said that's fine charge em 80 each and if their cool with it get it done. I talked to the guys and they backed out bc they said it was to expensive, I said well if you change your mind I'll be here. Sure enough they came back bc other shops said more obviously . 2 of the cowboys got "mo money mo problems" on their butts and the last guy got a fat mud flap girl on his butt. I had a blast with these guys. Now I know what its like to tattoo a butt. I also got to do a rad piece on some guys arm. What's even better my boss have me 50% at the end of the night. I am on cloud 9 bc I have my fucking awesome bf and I'm tattooing at the best shop around. I still have tons to learn and just make myself a bad ass artist. Oh and I'm learning to pierce so when I'm not tattooing I'll be making money piercing .

Blast from the past...but not in a good way.

Things are going great with my babe Kuma, I'm super happy to report that. I also got an apprenticeship at another tattoo shop, so now I'm working all day most days. I love being out of the house bc well its way to crowded here. Another thing I wanted to vent about is this, my Ex D text me yesterday from out of knowhere. I have not mesaged him in a long time since I made it clear in my mind that I'm going to be happy and be with Kuma. I deleted all his messages and emails from the past, deleted his little brother from my FB. I just cut all ties with him so that he could just be in my past and I can move on. Well he text me and I was kinda thrown for a little loop. I didn't need this especially while I was working a busy day at the shop. He said he was bored at home and wanted to say hi, I told him he didn't have the right anymore to be trying to contact me. I begged and begged to have him take me back after he was the one to fuck me over, that was sad and I realize that now. I am never going to allow myself to be his back up plan for when his current man sees that he's a waste of time bc all he does is cheat and lie. I hope he regrets not having me in his life anymore bc I now have someone who appreciates having me in his life everyday. I'm glad I met Kuma when I did, I had plenty of time to work on myself and know what I want for my life and build up my own self respect. I was a happy and satisfied man when I met Kuma and he just adds more to my life. I'm happy I don't have any baggage to bring into this relationship, I don't have trust issues with Kuma bc he's nothing like D. I realize now that with D I settled for so long bc I had low self esteem and always thought I would never find the kind of man I really wanted so I settled for him. The only thing D has in common with the kinds of men I like was his height and that he wasn't a stereotypical fem gay, other than that I loved him blindly. Kuma on the other hand just takes my breath away everytime I see him. He's furry in all the right places and his eyes are perfect. I want to just stare into them forever along with that smile. I can definately see myself waking up to that everyday and falling asleep to that every night. He's an amazing kisser my heart races everytime he touches me. Another thing that makes me so happy is that he has his life and does things, he goes camping and traveling. He loves living his life and doesn't make it all about work. He also loves games of all kinds from board games to video games, he's even apart of a gaming group called Gaymers I think. Could I ask for a more perfect man? Its like he was made for me and if he was I'm not complaining. I see a bright and happy future with him, yes I know its not always going to be rainbows and sunshine but if our love is strong we can work through anything. My friend said we are super compatible bc I'm an earth sign and he's a water sign, so yay more good news right. Lets just hope D sees that he no longer has a future in my life and moves on completely, he chose his path and now has to live with it. I have my path and I'm not walking it alone bc I have Kuma to walk beside me. Until my next entry I love you all.

Sad to say

My sister went to spi with her husband and daughter and it was so peaceful. Well now they are back, I love them it was just nice not to have a crowded house. I'll be happy when I move. On another note I got to see my buddy flash today, I miss hanging out with him, he's like another older brother to me. I found a full bottle of tequila in a rental car this morn and I gave it to him. He told me they are hiring but I don't feel confident with the power supply I have now. I still need to collect from slim but idk when that is going to happen. Looks like I've got $37 to my name till I get paid again... Damn them bills.

Paid off Betty

So I'm finally done paying off Betty, now all I have to do is get a fucking title and some minor details like ebrake and some hoses and fuses and lights. Simple right? Lol . Also have to sand her paint down so I can make her hot rod red

Part 2

Yeah it's been a few days sorry I started working on my Betty and didn't remember to write part 2. After the dance we went back to the camper and he made a really good chicken dish, I like his spur of the moment cooking skills. our first night in bed together was well magnificent! I love his furry chest and cuddling up with him. He is very sweet and gentle, makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. The way he kisses and touches me makes my heart race, so let's just say our first night was perfect ;) . then waking up next to him justifying that it wasn't all a dream started the day perfectly. We then had breakfast that Kuma made, I'll admit he basically did everything the while trip I asked if he needed me to do anything but he said no. think all I was able to do was stir gravy and throw some trash ha ha. I think after that it's kinda a blur of pure happiness. I love the way he kisses me and makes me feel and we connect so well, I find myself opening up and talking to him about things I'd normally keep to myself. When I'm with him I feel normal and not like some outcast for loving cartoons and video games still. He is by far the most beautiful person I've ever seen inside and out. in the short amount of time I've been with him he has opened my eyes and shown me that I'm worthy of happiness and someone who isn't going to cheat on me. we watched movies and played video games together. He is even apart of a gamer group back in his town, how fucking awesome is that right. He has the most beautiful eyes that I could get used to seeing everyday. When he hugs me and squeezes me in his arms and pulls me in for a kiss I just melt. I've let go of my past and moved on from the pain, I have had time to heal and love myself and realize that I am happy alone. With that being said he makes me happier than I already am so why would I ever wanna let that go? I wanted to shower with him but sadly the shower was way to small to fit us both. next time we will for sure! Did I mention that he looks fucking amazing naked but that's all you get bc he's mine to look at I'm not sharing lol. My walls are crumbling down for him and I'm I'm with that. The hardest part was when we had to part ways. I didn't want to leave him, I almost shed a few tears but I'm not ready to let myself be that weak just yet. We have agreed that what we have is worth hanging on and trying a long distance relationship, I'm deeply committed to giving it a try and I know he is too. nothing has changed since I got back, he still txt and calls me and we Skype when we can..that shows me that he really is in it. Already trying to plan our next trip, it looks like we might not be together till end of march or mid April but you know  what they say right..."absence makes the heart grow fonder" I dream of him and he is in my mind and heart throughout the days, I had a friend tell me that I'm not a dater but more of a true relationship guy. He's right bc all I wanna do is share my life with someone who supports me and I support them. Don't think I can ever go back to my past even if it came knocking on my door bc of my Kuma, he is my future.

It's official

<p>So as you all know I went camping with Kuma. Here are all the details well most of them bc I don't kiss and tell. I got there Thursday afternoon and he had already been there an hour ahead of me and he got everything put away from his luggage to the forks and spoons. I couldn't stop my heart from racing when we had our first hug and kiss and boy did he notice it, I was kind of embarrassed at first but realized he was just as excited. I couldn't believe I was in the arms of the man I had been wanting for 2 months, no more txting Skype or voxer bc I had him in person all to myself for the weekend. He is perfect! We went to town to get some groceries for us to eat, I was still wanting to rock out in the jetta I had rented from work so I sweet talked him into taking it instead of his car ha ha. We picked at each other playfully about who gets to control the radio and he let me win, I wanted to let him hear what I liked while I held his hand the while way to town. Man that was pure bliss just being with him and feeling him. I felt so comfortable with him that I let him hear my horrible singing voice, hope I didn't scar him for life. We shopped then headed back to camp. We got everything put away and decided to lay out on the hammock for a while and we kissed. Then just as the sun was close to setting we took a little walk of the camp grounds and finally watched the sun set while on a little Dock. It was so magical with the frogs croaking in the background and fish splashing. He then puts on slow music and gets me to slow dance with him, I was like Wtf in my head. Yeah that confirms it that he's the one for me by how he makes me feel and how he doesn't hold back from me. .... Off to bed you'll get part 2 tomorrow muah

Got my haircut

I'm glad I finally got my haircut thanks to a old school friend , now I look good for Kuma this weekend on our camping trip

Past haunting me again fml

I was having a great day yesterday when my voxer decided to notify me that it added my x d and his profile pic was of him and his butt ugly bf. Seriously if your going to replace me at least make sure he's hotter than me, nice way to down grade. So back to the story, I got upset bc I've been doing great without him and I had even deleted him from my life as in deleting his messages and emails. I have gotten so close with Kuma that I don't need my past popping up out of knowhere. He made me feel better like always, I've just gotta let this like this not get to me. It also helped me decide to pour all my checks into my car after my trip with Kuma and transfer to another city. Hmm if this thing with Kuma goes right I'll aim for Houston and find a room to rent with someone.

Always something right?

So the apprenticeship is getting cut short bc my buddy is moving to a different shop so when he leaves I leave bc the owner is a complete took who isn't a very good artist who has fooled himself into thinking he's one of the best around. So if I can't go with mils to the new shop then I have no choice but to try another one closer to home and see what happens. Ok now to a different subject. I've been getting to know Kuma a lot better lately and so far it's good, we have had some differences but I lime that he talks them out with me and all returns to the awesomeness. I wake up with him my thoughts and sleep with him in my dreams, I like him a lot. If it doesn't work out I will be a little hurt but nothing that will kill me ha ha, but if it works out like I want it to I'm going to do what I can to hang onto him. There is a distance issue but one I'm willing to change in time, if there is something solid with us I will definitely make the time to be with him when I can and besides we txt and Skype all the time now so it's not like a lot will change after I come home from our trip. I want to get in at least a years worth of tattooing in a shop before I try to move to one out of town. but I have to get into a shop to even start that dream lol. Work work work that's all I can do. until next time love you guys.

The river

So idk how many of you have started watching the new show on ABC called the river., but I just watched the first 2 eps on hulu and I love it so far. I like the mythology and magical mystery of it all.

Oh the possibilities

So I've got my job at enterprise to bring in the money for my few bills and my apprenticeship to fuel my tattooing passion. I'm working on moving to a closer store in midland so it will be easier to get to work and the shop bc it's like 5 mins from my house. My bro also wants me to worm with him at his job doing locksmithing but if I even pass my background check I'll have to get off at 5 instead of 2 and take less hours on my apprenticeship. I need money to get Betty running so it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for a bit till she's running. I'm also glad bc well I have met someone kinda lol, things are becoming more and more serious with kumo (my camping partner on the 23rd) . He has really grown on me and been a great positive influence on my views of my life. I'm really looking forward to spending the last weekend of Feb with him. He and I had a serious talk last night of where we stand bc I've had so many guys flake out on me. I like the speed we are going at, I can get used to this for a while till I'm done with my apprenticeship and have the ability to move to any shop I want in a year or two. Did I mention that his voice is to die for, he relaxes me when he speaks to me and he is gorgeous inside and out. I'm truly lucky to have met him. So for now the possibilities are endless but they all look Great especially if they include kumo.

Liking the new apprenticeship

So item been a few days since I started my second apprenticeship and it's going smoothly. There are some major differences in how the shops are run. This one is very clean and professional, I learned how to sterilize tubes and grips. I like that my boss man is warming up to the fact that I'm not the average apprentice bc I already have some good tattoos under my belt. He let's me stencil out his tats more now and even used my shading techniques on one tattoo. Guess he wasn't able to grasp the shading for it, so he had me do it. The paperwork system is way diff too, it's paperless and not difficult . he days it's 6 months before I am able to learn any tattooing but I think that will shorten bc I'm already good just needs some tweaking. he asked me to email him my most recent tattoos so that makes me think he will bump off a few months

Yay

I'm so happy that I got a new apprenticeship but the only down side is that I can't tattoo for about 6 months. It's in Odessa again but a bit closer since I work at the airport.

Been a while since my last post

<p>I've been so busy and tired lately from work and having to think about tattoos. I asked for a few days off in Feb so I can take a camping trip so I can clear my head. I've started viewing tattooing as work instead of my passion and happiness, it's time to get back my appreciation for the art. I am liking this freedom to travel wherever I want now that I'm single, yeah I talk to guys but I'm not looking to settle down or hook up guess it's just nice knowing I'm wanted lol. Looking forward to going camping, last time I went camping was when I was with d and it was 4th of July I think and we got rained on and had nacho with us. So needles to say it wasn't a very good trip bc we ended up staying with his mom at her house. D wasn't very big on doing anything active like that so I held back from asking to take trips. Pathetic right but that's the past, and my future looks better. Haven't txt D in a while now, don't think I'm going to anymore. Just seems like a waist of time now that I think about it.

I like having friends

So I've made some friends and been spending a good amount of time with them. I'm single but so what I'm happy lol.

Ever feel like crying or yelling till you can't anymore?

Lately I haven't been feeling like myself, I feel a little depressed. I'm not motivated to do anything. I feel like crying for some reason but can't bc the one shoulder I felt comfortable crying on was D's and we all know he isn't here not does he really care to have me in his life anymore. I want to just drive out to the middle of nowhere and just till I can't tell anymore. I am tired of going everyday thinking about him and that I'm not by his side.

Thinking a lot lately

Been thinking to myself and slow I'm beginning to not want a relationship with anyone even D. Focus on my life instead of someone else life. I want to move away and leave all this past behind.

For a while there

I felt this with me and D would open back up bc we started texting more but guess that was just a fluke. So now it's time to be a big boy and realize that he might just like the attn from me while he's with his current guy. It's the same when I was with him and he would talk to other guys behind my back. My answer that I gave J is becoming to change more and more, if I find another guy and he actually sticks around idk if I'd choose D over the new guy. I don't want to be his back up if his man doesn't work out. I want to be the priority and if I'm not then I'll find someone who does make me his #1. Sad but can't wait forever for D to realize that I'm not going to be waiting forever or until he's done with his guy. If your reading this D I hope you make a choice soon bc later your decision won't matter. Don't live your life with regrets, if you love me come get me don't hesitate.

I love them

I love my family but I'm not to happy to be back. I miss the quiet of j's apt. Going to focus of fixing my bronco and finding a room for rent, now that I have been reminded what it's like to have privacy I want it. Tired of never having a quiet moment to myself, I love them but I need my space. going to work hard to get myself out of my parents house.

Having a blast in Ga with J

Been having a great time with J, that's me with one of his boys Oliver. I'm going to be sad to leave him, still trying to figure out if there will be something more between us after these days are gone. I'm more than prepared to have a temp long distance relationship if he's willing to a well. I wouldn't have traveled this far if I didn't think I couldn't have something with him, but it's not just my decision now is it?