This is a blog of what I see, feel, and deal with in my everyday life. I guess you can call it an online journal.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Help Wanted
So I'm here in Balmorhea with D and his family. We went to his brothers graduation party on Friday and I asked him to dance with me. Well one thing lead to another and we went to bed mad at each other because he doesn't want to be gay in public yet wants me to be all over him behind closed doors. I understand the whole no holding hands and kissing passionately like some hot and heavy couple, but a simple "babe" or little quick peck wouldn't kill him. So I had a super long talk with his sis M and I came to an agreement with myself that I would try to treat him like he wants. So on Saturday I don't call him babe or try to be affectionate with him, not trying to be really close to him. I was just acting like a friend by not standing to close, calling him by his first name, being just calm and cool. So when we get back to the house I'm still acting the same way, then when we go to bed he is all pissed that I'm not all up on him trying to jump his bones. So he tells me that he's just gonna call off the trip to San Antonio and Six Flags, I told him "OK" because that's not what I'm here for. I'm here to spend time with him and try to work things out but apparently I'm not doing something right like always. I don't give a fuck if we go back to Midland, its not like I'm living with him or relying on him for my bills. He can spend his last days of his vacation alone for all I care, because if this is how its going to be then I just have one word for him " GOODBYE". I'm not about to let him bring me down again when I didn't do anything wrong. He needs to grow up and stop being a chicken shit about showing some fucking affection towards me, nobody gives a shit. I don't want him to do it to show them that he's with me, I want him to do it to show ME that he's there for ME. I don't even know anyone besides his family so what satisfaction would I get from him showing off how gay he is by dancing or holding my hand? If he doesn't change his ways then he can just move on, I'm not going to give in to anything this time around. He has two choices: get his shit together and just live happy with me and stop worrying about what others think about him, or hit to road and find another closet case to spend his life with. Going to have a talk with him and let him know whats what, I don't give a shit if he leaves me in Balmorhea to find my own way home as long as he finally makes up his FUCKING MIND for once.
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