Way to send mixed signals

So I met with my X today, was happy to see him. Miss hugging him and being so close to him. Then it got a little crazy, he said he always thinks about me yet he says he's not in love with me just loves me. Wow mixed signals right? He's got a new man but the way he was hugging me didn't seem like he did. I love him and would get back with him if he wanted to but I'm not going to play games or be the other man or be the back up if it doesn't work out with ol boy. I will not wait forever, I wish him all the happiness with whoever this guys is. If you want me then make your move, one way I think about it is "do I really want to live my life without this person I've given my heart to?" If you can honestly think about me and say you don't see yourself with me for the rest of your life then we'll just never talk again, but if you can't deny that you still want me then fuck everyone else and just love me. I've said all I wanted to say and you know how I feel, its in your hands now. You have my number, you know where I live, don't hesitate to say something.

Ha Ha I get the point

I get now that its not going to happen between me and my x nor anyone else. It makes me sad but it is what it is, I'm just going to admit defeat in the battle of love. Its so funny because I try to be a good person and no love is my payment, I'm done being a caring person. Call me loveless from now on because I walk alone. These little moments in life are what help drive me to finish my apprenticeship and move the fuck away so I can forget everything but my family. I'm just tired of not having someone to love and call my own anymore, but if its not meant to be then its ok. I seriously feel like breaking down and just saying "fuck the world" and throwing myself into a deep depression, but I don't have that luxury. I have to keep going stronger than ever, don't let anyone get in my way. It sucks that I want to be with the one man who broke my heart and he doesn't want me. Guess if its that easy for him to move on then he really didn't care and the 5 years we have together didn't mean shit. I look back at what I have written and I've been rambling on like a little school girl but it makes me feel better. Thing I'm going to write a spell tonight to help me block out these feelings and keep love from breaking my heart again.