Makes me sad

I can't get the Glee version of Blackbird out of my head, it makes me think of how free my mothe will be. To know no pain, and to suffer no more. I wish I didn't have to know this reality about my mom but I don't have that luxury now do I. As long as I have the strength of my family behind me then I believe I can survive through it all.

"Blackbird"

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise,
You were only waiting for this moment to arise"

WTF is wrong with me

So I had a great night with D, we went to the movies and saw Hop and Rango. I liked them both but Rango was way way better, Hop was one of those movies where you'd only watch it once but Rango is in the same category as Toy Story and Cars where you would gladly watch it again and again. So another thing happend to me while I was taking a shower just now. I put on Pandora and had it on my Reba channel and it made me think of when I was little and I used to lay next to my mother while she listened to the same songs on her radio. I swear I could smell the perfume she used to wear and how she used to sing along with the songs, it made me so happy to remember those happy times. I broke out in tears and couldn't stop crying alone in the shower. I hate the days ahead of me, to see and know that my mom is suffering day after day hurts me so much. I know losing ones parents is a part of everyone's lives, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I wish I could take her cancer as my own because I know I am strong enough to survive the treatments. She has fought this most of my life and it has finally started winning, I don't want to think like that but what else can I think about. I have started hating to wake up everyday because I don't want to face the reality of my life over and over. I try to distract myself so I won't think about it but when I stop to do simple things I break down more and more. I love you mom, stay strong and stay here.