Thursday, January 20, 2011

WTF

So I get home from an interview and D asks me how it went, so I simply replied " it went fine." Then he stares at me for almost a minute until I ask him, "are you okay babe?" and he said "no nothing is wrong." so I leave to start making us some food to eat. Well he has the radio on and starts looking at some videos so he mutes it for a good 10 minutes. I take that as a cue that I can use it, so I get to the radio and he raises his voice at me telling me that he is still using it and is going to use it after he watches his videos. I said okay and went to get my mp3 player and listen to it while I cook and put up some laundry. When I started getting the laundry ready to put up he comes into the room and closes the door and asks me why I was ignoring him since I got home. I was so lost because I asked him if anything was wrong with him earlier and he said nothing and now he is complaining that I am ignoring him. Well we started arguing about everything and he starts telling me that I don't clean like he wants basically and telling me that if I wasn't going to work I have to clean the apt for him. Basically telling me that if I don't make money I have to be his Bitch. I hate that he acts like this but I just suck up his mean words because I can't afford to stand up to him and be kicked out. My mothers house is the only place I have to go. I love him but can't take being talked down to, I won't deny that I can't clean like he likes because I'm not him. I try my hardest to look for job, shit I just came from an interview before he started fighting with me. He gets me to the point where I just want to break something and yell at the top of my lungs, then when I do he always makes me feel worse and like shit. I hate taking it but what can I do, I just hope that when I get a job he will back off and finally just let us be happy. If it doesn't change I fear that we will leave each other again, he already says that I act like I don't live there like he wants me to say "yes I want to leave." I want to stay with him, but he needs to back off me and stop putting me down so much. I know what to do just hate the consequences of it all. I just wish we could be in the same room and not fight.