FINALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!

So I finally got an e-mail from the tattoo shop I've been wanting to apprentice for. Going to Odessa tomorrow with mom to talk to them. I'm fucking nervous and shitting bricks. What if they don't like me or decide to pass on helping me? I'm way more nervous than when I go in for a job interview. This is my passion in life and I guess I can't help but be nervous. Wish me luck world. Oh and on a side note, I've noticed that things are starting to look up in my life now that I'm done with D. Seems like its all falling into place, good karma I guess. I want to say that I deserve it because of all the love I gave out. The gods are giving back all the love I showered on D, wish it didn't have to be like this but it is so I'm just going to roll with it. Please let me land that apprenticeship.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

I was about to go to bed when I started listening to some of Fefe Dobson's music and I broke down and cried. I just want to know how the fuck someone can say that they love you and tell you that they want to spend the rest of their life with you and have it be nothing but a lie. I thought after so many years and times that we spent together that it would mean something. That is what proved he wasn't the one for me, the fact that he tries to say he only wanted me now that I'm not his. I'm not some toy you can decide to play with and toss aside when your bored and come back to me later. I never want to see him again. He ruined my belief in love and trust, he is the cause of all my pain right now. I wish I could say I hate him but I don't, I just wish I never have to see him again or even think of him again. I don't have anyone to cry on so I have to either hold back my tears and say I'm alright or cry alone like I am now. I've decided that after I get a car and a laptop along with a few thousand saved up, I'm out of this town and hopefully leaving his memory behind for good. I don't care where I go as long as I get to be me and live my dreams.

Fefe Dobson - Don't Let It Go To Your Head

I remember always listening to this while I was with him, right now I am so angry because I think about what we could have had and how he threw all that away. I know he tried to make up for it but it was to late, I wanted to believe he could make it all better by being around more, but there was already way to much damage done. His lies took over the relationship and made it impossible to love him again. I get so angry at times and I just want to cry from the pain he has caused me but I don't I just smile and think of something else. He will never know how much I wanted to be with him, he can say that he loves me and that he only wanted me but deep down he never loved me enough to just be with me. I was never enough, I wasn't good enough for him. I will be more than enough for someone some day. D was my all when I was with him, I held the love I had for him above anything else. So to know that it meant nothing to him as he went behind my back and talked to the entire world hurts me deeply. I remember falling in love with him when he was in college and working a loser job, I stuck by his side when he dropped out. I never cared about what he did for a living as long as I had him and he told me he loved me. Everything changed when he started making more money, he became a completely different person. He wasn't the sweet guy I once knew anymore, he only cared about money money money. Well now I hope his money is telling him " I love you" because I no longer will. It breaks my heart knowing that I gave everything I could to make him happy but he decided it wasn't good enough and started talking to other men. He could have at least had the balls to tell me he wasn't happy and that he wanted to see other people. He is a coward and not a real man, I see him in a completely different way now. I now see that we were never meant to be together forever because we are two different types of people. He needs someone who only thinks about making money and I need someone who values life, love and happiness over material things. D was only meant to be in my life to show me how to NOT love someone, I will take my experience with D and use it to love someone else truly UNCONDITIONALLY. I know I will be happy someday, and that helps me get up and face the days as they come.

Fefe Dobson - Ghost

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! This song make me want to sit D down and play this for him OVER and OVER.

Fefe Dobson - Stuttering

Love all her music, it really makes me look at life.

Fefe Dobson - Can't Breathe

I can't get this song out of my head. It rings through my brain day and night.