This is a blog of what I see, feel, and deal with in my everyday life. I guess you can call it an online journal.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Its Different now
So ever since we got back together its been hard to not want to go through D's phone or his emails but I don't. I want to trust him but everytime I see him pick up his phone or jump on his laptop my stomach tightens and my mind starts racing thinking about what he's doing. I still don't think I can trust him with my heart, which is why I'm not going to move in with him for a while. I don't like not being by his side to watch over him and constantly remind him that he is in a relationship so that he doesn't run off on me again. Another thing that bothers me is that I have ONE rainbow shirt that says " We Are Everywhere" and D hates for me to wear it in public. I am not scared to be seen with this shirt on, because I am a very proud gay man. Its not like I'm runing up to people telling each and everyone of them that I'm gay, I just want to wear my pride. I don't see how it differs from people wearing things about themselves like bumper stickers or shirts saying who you voted for or what nationality your are. D hates this shirt and refused to go out in public with me so i simply said " well take me home then so you can go grocery shopping". I'm not going to change who I am anymore for him, either accept it all or lose it all. Not playing games anymore. I never tell him what to wear or how to wear it, I have always accepted him how he is so why can't he do the same. So from now on I'm just going to keep my distance from him and only see him every now and then, hopefully he will grow up and stop thinking about what everyone thinks and just be happy in his OWN life. I don't have time to debate on a shirt, its my body and I'll do whatever I see fit with it. I wish he would love me unconditionally and stop thinking about the world when we step out of the door. He is with me not them. If you have any insight on this matter please feel free to right me, I always welcome advise.
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