I don't want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so I have been thinking about this all day and I have decided to start up the job search again, I just don't like having money and also have D look at me like I'm less than him because of it. Going to call around and see what I can get into, I don't expect to land something overnight but I'm shooting for  the stars here lol. Hopefully I land my old position at Sam's Club because I liked that job. I hope having a job will get D off my back and maybe he will start treating me like I'm an actual person. Still going to work on my tattooing but for now until it takes off it'll be my secondary line of work, but more of a work in progress. It doesn't help that I don't have a mentor, I was suppose to be getting help from a friend but he has a life to live so it just didn't work out. I'll get going somehow, not going to let D or anyone get me down from reaching my dream. Soon it'll be my name on the cover of tattoo magazines and I can throw it in the faces of ppl who don't believe in me. Life with D is really complicated right now and I see things in a different light than he does, don't know what is going to happen between us. Going to give it some time and see if anything changes but if the problems persist then I fear we will have to part ways again :( I'm working hard at keeping sane and in this with D but he doesn't make it easy, some of the stuff he says to me haunts me everyday. When he bought that bike for me he actually said, " If we break up this is staying here because that's what you do." That hurt a lot and he just thinks its okay to say that to me. Right now the bad out weighs the good by a lot, and the fact that he can't put bs aside and get along with my brother , who has nothing against D,  and just interact with my family hurt me. I talk to his whole family like they are my own, but when it comes to mine he always gives me this mood like they are not worth the energy to go visit. My family accepts him but they are slowly starting to see how he truly is like I see him when we are alone. Like I said I'm going to keep at it and not give up on our relationship till I just can't anymore but it just seems impossible. I wish D could see what he has right now and not have to learn the hard way that you never know what you have till its gone. I'll keep you guys posted :)

What to do now?

So I think I might be over reacting but this is just how I feel. I tattooed my brother last night and when D got home with his brother and then K arrived they all just left to eat without even inviting me or telling where they were going, I wasn't able to go but I still wanted food. I finished up the tattoo and called D and asked him where he went and he still didn't even ask me if I wanted anything, I had to ask him to pick me up something. So the today I ask him to barrow the truck so I can take Nacho home and when I get here my sister asked me to take her to the store so she can make Menudo, I was already going to the store so I obviously said yes. Well I asked my sis to txt D and let him know I'm going to the store with her and I'll be making him lunch in a little bit, well he calls and says that he's going out to eat with his bro and sis instead of waiting for me to make him anything. I told him I was still at the store and would be a little while longer, he said that K was hungry now...so I just told him to enjoy his food and that I'll see him later on, I was upset to I hung up on him. Don't you think its kinda rude to call someone like 40 mins. after they tell you they are shopping to make you food and while they are already about to pay you tell them that your going out to eat instead. I just think its kinda rude but that's just me. Well my sis and I get to my parents house and unload all the groceries and I call him to see what he's doing, he is still waiting for his food and tell me to go meet up with them. I don't want to be the last min guest, that just makes it weird. So I just asked him to tell me how to make the chili pods for menudo and he says he will be here before work. That was 2 hours ago, I'm pretty sure you don't have to eat for 2 hours. It whatever, I'll just let him spend time with them without me, just hope he doesn't try to suck up to me later on. I try and try to spend time with him but all he does is want to sit down and do nothing, I want to be active even for like an hour. Even when I sit and watch something with him he get on his laptop and ignores me, so when he goes to bed he expects me to follow like a little puppy and do what he says. When I try to do my own thing he gets mad and says that I'm ignoring him, so I suppose its okay for him to ignore me but when its vise versa its not okay. Tired of these games he plays.