What keeps me alive?

I live to keep my mother and father's blood alive, I live on to make them proud and not regret anything. I know my mother is going through a hard time right now and my father does not say what is hurting him the most. I get more out of those awkward silences than I could from their actual words, I can only imagine what they are feeling let alone thinking. I see that my mother is tired of fighting so long and having to be the strength of our family all the time, I see that my father sometimes hides behind his beer bottle because he is the second rock that holds the family together. I don't know what I would do if either of them were to leave me alone in this world. I hate to think about the worst case scenario but I can't help it, every time I see them I want to tell them I love them and that I want to know how they feel but I don't because I see how hard they work at keeping it hidden from my niece and siblings. Sometimes I just want to cry non stop and just break down and just give up, I don't know what i can do to help them other than just stand on the sidelines and pray for them. I know we are not the typical family where I can just cry on their shoulder about this, I just can't even though that is what I want to do. I remember having some special times with my dad when I was growing up, I remember we would talk some late nights and just be completely serious and sometimes cry together. I remember feeling like I could tell my father anything and everything. Another thing I never thought about was how hard it was to leave my mother when I left to live in Dallas, TX. I remember being completely fine the days before I left, but when I hugged her in those final moments before I set off I just didn't want to let go of her. I remember trying to not forget her perfume and trying to burn her eyes into my memory so I could always have them with me wherever I went. I thought to myself, "if it hurts this much to let go when I am moving to another town, how in the hell am I going to survive when she is gone for good?" I hope that day does not come soon. I will chant and pray my ass off for that day to be in the far far future, I want her to see my nieces grow up and see me finally get married to the man I am suppose to be with. I don't want to go to my parents house and only be able to say hi to only one parent. I love you mom and dad!!! With all the power I have within my body and soul I will give it my all to make it all okay, I promise!!!!

Swallow Tattoos

I have been noticing that a lot of people have been sporting swallow tattoos, I like seeing that they are becoming so beautifully artistic. I just don't know if most people know the back round of the swallow, so I looked it up and came up with some interesting facts about the pretty little bird. Before their widespread tattoo spree they started on a ship called "The Swallow" with a few bad sailors. There were seven sailors that were going to commit a mutiny on the ship and the only way they could identify themselves from the rest of them was from their swallow tattoos on their chests. After that it evolved into something completely different, sailors who would go on long voyages that made it to 5,000 Nautical Miles would get one swallow on their chest and after another 5,000 Nautical Miles they would generally get one on the opposite side of their chest. If they choose to get more swallows after another 5,000 Nautical Miles that was their choice, also the sailors believed that if they were to fall overboard and drown that the swallow tattoos would carry their souls up to heaven.

They represent love, care, and affection towards family and friends showing the loyalty of the person always returning home. These days the swallow tattoo can have many more meanings that only the bearer can say, thanks to the internet the swallow tattoo has become one of the most popular tattoos.

In some parts of the world if you get a swallow tattoo on your fist is symbolizes that you are indeed a great fighter. I'm not sure if I will get a swallow tattoo but who knows, might immortalize my mother in a swallow tattoo. ;)