So funny how when you think something is going so well it all goes in another direction in a heartbeat. Glad i didn't open my heart

Super Fucking horny, sucks being single with trust issues and not into one night stands :-( could really use some all night sex with a hot man

Just saw the perfect bear today, getting a tattoo so hot!!!!

No love in my life

I hate that I can't trust any men right now, I see a lot of great guys and have talked to a few as well but everytime something in the back of my head says "don't trust them, its only a matter of time" so I just politely decline any invites. I'm just not ready and I've also got my apprenticeship to concentrate on. My friend from work said he wanted to try and hook me up with one of his friends from work but I just don't have the time, money, or the trust for that. I really appreciate him trying to help my single situation but for now I'll just have to turn my lonelyness into something positive. I see myself moving away from this town once I'm done with my apprenticeship, I want to stay with the shop for a while. I hope they open one up in my town by the time I'm done with my training, the 20 min drive to and from Odessa is long. Love will have to wait, oh and besides the men are sure to be much better when I move away.

Hate this

I'm sick, in the middle of a fucking drought I'm sick. WTF!!!! Anyways I had to take a day off rom the shop because I can't be sick and working around people with fresh tattoos because I could spread it to them. I don't want to get the other apprentices sick either. I'm taking meds right now and hoping that I'm all better by tomorrow because I don't want to miss another day at the shop.

X-mas

This is what I want for my X-Mas present please!!!!!!

Finally cut my hair

I haven't cut my hair in forever, well it seemed like forever. I finally decided that Its time to shed these horrible locks of hair and start making myself look hot. I just love my new hair cut, I hope everyone else does too!! I wanted to post a picture of the new me but I don't have a camera or a fancy phone to e-mail one so I'm SOL lol! Its ok, all these hard times are just a temporary set back because when I finish my trainging I'll be making enough money to live my life happily and not have to worry to much about being broke. I haven't been posting regularly like I used to because I have been so damn busy apprenticing at the tattoo shop, I'm usually there from 10:30am - 10:30pm 6 days a week. I like it though because it keeps me busy and I have some great friends at the shop, my mind is always going and thinking of new ideas of what to draw. I don't mind having no time for a bf because I don't want one now, I'm also going to allow myself to be really picky when I do start looking. I want what my friend C has, her bf is a tattoo artist and she is an apprentice about to be a tattoo artist. That would be perfect for me, to have a bf that is a tattoo artist and a bear. That way we could work together and have so much in common, I eat sleep and breathe tattooing so I know that I would never get tired of hearing about it all. We could learn from each other, I look forward to meeting him someday.

Another day gone

I worked my ass off today, I helped run the front desk while my manager was getting shit done. I loved it, reminded me of when I was working for Sam's and the dealership. I was getting all the paperwork in line then processing them out. My boss made my day when he walked all the way out to me when I was sing waving just to thank me for what I did. I love the shop and I'll do anything to help them bc they are helping to make my dreams come true. I'm working like a beast to earn my Brutal Nation Ink hat and shirt!!!!!!!! I don't know if I'm ready to get it as a tattoo just yet, maybe when I finish my training next year. I was also thinking on the way home, I want to have a bf that is a tattoo artist but also a bear type. I know its like trying to find a needle in a hay stack but I'm sure there is one out there for me and I'm not going to settle for anything less even if I have to be single for a few years. Right now my primary concern is my tattooing career and my family, no man even registers to me.

I don't want to

I hurt my ankle a few days ago and I've been working on it at the tattoo shop, well I happend to mention it to my manager and he is forcing me to take a day off. I so don't want to spend an unwanted day off from the shop bc I love being there so much. I asked him if it would be okay if I came in and got some drawing done and not apprentice, he said that would be okay. I would like to go but might not because I see that my mom and dad need a break from taking me to Odessa and back everyday. I wish I had my own car to get back and forth without anyone to drive me, but it is what it is right? I have grown so close to all the people at the shop, its hard to imagine missing a day there. I'm going to rest my ankle and get it better so that when Monday comes up I'll be ready to work hard!!!!!! Can't wait to take my artist test to see if I'm ready to take the next step.

So tired but still in the game, i love being at the shop. So its decided, I dont have time for any dating. But its worth it to me, this is my life.

Torn

I don't know what to choose anymore. I want to break down and fall into his arms but can't because I feel like I'd lose everything I have worked so hard to get. I want to see his face again and have him tell me he loves me all over again but my heart breaks everytime I think about what I went through. Do I turn away and just keep going without him or do I give in and blindly allow him into my life again??? I will test myself, if I can see him face to face and not feel like I want to be with him again then I will just keep living my life how it is now, but if my heart races and I want to be with him then I will. I will not give up my dream or my training, he will have to settle with seeing me on my off days. I will give myself this test, and the outcome is what it is.

Tattoo Love

Been working on a tattoo to symbolize my love for tattooing, I have it drawn up but still need to fine tune it and tweek it more before I can get it put on me. The basic concept is to have a tattoo machine with 2 pentagrams being held up by a little voodoo doll that is tattooing another voodoo doll. So its a tattoo within a tattoo, I'll find some way to post up some pics of the finish drawing and when I finally get it I'll post up the finished product. I'm so excited to be getting a new tattoo and one that I drew on my own, I've been watching the other apprentices and taking some tips from their drawing styles and learning how to shade correctly. I want it to be a color piece but not to much color because I want to give it that awesome dark occult look. I'm also going to work on drawing up something for my teddy bear tattoo, I'm not to sure if I put the reason behind him. Well he symbolizes a point in my life where I was just used and not cared for like I was supposed to be. Like a little teddy bear I gave off nothing but love, and instead all I recieved were scars and a broken heart. He signifies the dark times I had with D, I put all that in my past not to forget but to just leave in my past. He is there to help remind me that I'm not taking any more crap from any man ever again, I will never allow myself to be taken advantage of again. I plan on putting some old school letter blocks on one side of him but looking worn out and broken and something else on his other side also worn out and broken. Its going to be a whole piece dedicated to all the negativity I'm leaving behind while I'm on my journey to achieving my dreams and living my life the way I want.

Happy 4th of July

Had a great time at the tattoo shop, we closed down for the day. There was burgers, hot dogs, beer, and ppl getting tattooed. The last one was the best part. There are 3 tattoo artists so far: J, G, and M. I like working with all of them but more with G because he has like 30yrs. of experience and knows his shit. Oh the best part of the day was when M was tattooing an apprentice and while she was getting tattooed she was doing a tattoo on someone else. That was like history in the making, G said he has seen some stuff in his days but never anything like that. I wanted to stay longer but decided to call it a day. I'm off Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I'll be going back up there on Wednesday then off again on Thursday. I drew out a bad ass tattoo that I want so bad, its a tattoo machine with voodoo dolls. It makes me more driven to get it and to finish my training. Can't wait to go on Wednesday, I would go tomorrow but I want to give my mom and dad rest from taking me to Odessa. It'll be nice to rest anyways, need to catch up on some laundry.

WOW

Had a Motha Fucking AWESOME day at the shop! I know I need to work on my drawing skills because I feel like I'm way behind the others. I see them popping out bad ass designs and I'm just not thinking that way. Everyone is super helpful and very supportive. Cook out tomorrow!!! Loving my tattoo shop family!!!

So tired from work and training but love living my own life, more happy days at the tattoo shop to come