This is a blog of what I see, feel, and deal with in my everyday life. I guess you can call it an online journal.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
What to do?
Its been a very difficult weekend with D. I have been thinking about a lot and think I might move back into my mother's house, not breaking up with D just moving out. We live completely different lives and just don't see eye to eye and that has thrown us apart. We are fighting constantly and it makes it even more awkward because I know K and C can overhear us arguing. D doesn't want me to leave and says what's the point in staying together if I move out because he doesn't want to live without me here. I believe that I will be driven to leave him if I do continue to live here, so I don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to lose D but at the same time I'm tired of not having any freedom, I know why D doesn't want me to move out. He doesn't trust me with going out with friends because he thinks I'm some huge whore when he isn't around, so if I move out he won't be able to watch me 24/7 so he'd rather end it because he won't have the time to watch my every move. I'm going insane here because all I do is see the inside of this apt day after day after day, I need a job but that isn't going so well. My job history is kinda vast and there is something on my record, it just makes it harder to find something. To add to that I don't have a phone for them to call me so I have to put down D's number all the time, and he never wants to leave the phone with me when he goes to work so I can call around to jobs and see if they have looked at my application. I don't know how I'm going to start out my life but right now I know this isn't how its suppose to be lived.
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