Torn

I don't know what to choose anymore. I want to break down and fall into his arms but can't because I feel like I'd lose everything I have worked so hard to get. I want to see his face again and have him tell me he loves me all over again but my heart breaks everytime I think about what I went through. Do I turn away and just keep going without him or do I give in and blindly allow him into my life again??? I will test myself, if I can see him face to face and not feel like I want to be with him again then I will just keep living my life how it is now, but if my heart races and I want to be with him then I will. I will not give up my dream or my training, he will have to settle with seeing me on my off days. I will give myself this test, and the outcome is what it is.