I don't want to!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay so I have been thinking about this all day and I have decided to start up the job search again, I just don't like having money and also have D look at me like I'm less than him because of it. Going to call around and see what I can get into, I don't expect to land something overnight but I'm shooting for  the stars here lol. Hopefully I land my old position at Sam's Club because I liked that job. I hope having a job will get D off my back and maybe he will start treating me like I'm an actual person. Still going to work on my tattooing but for now until it takes off it'll be my secondary line of work, but more of a work in progress. It doesn't help that I don't have a mentor, I was suppose to be getting help from a friend but he has a life to live so it just didn't work out. I'll get going somehow, not going to let D or anyone get me down from reaching my dream. Soon it'll be my name on the cover of tattoo magazines and I can throw it in the faces of ppl who don't believe in me. Life with D is really complicated right now and I see things in a different light than he does, don't know what is going to happen between us. Going to give it some time and see if anything changes but if the problems persist then I fear we will have to part ways again :( I'm working hard at keeping sane and in this with D but he doesn't make it easy, some of the stuff he says to me haunts me everyday. When he bought that bike for me he actually said, " If we break up this is staying here because that's what you do." That hurt a lot and he just thinks its okay to say that to me. Right now the bad out weighs the good by a lot, and the fact that he can't put bs aside and get along with my brother , who has nothing against D,  and just interact with my family hurt me. I talk to his whole family like they are my own, but when it comes to mine he always gives me this mood like they are not worth the energy to go visit. My family accepts him but they are slowly starting to see how he truly is like I see him when we are alone. Like I said I'm going to keep at it and not give up on our relationship till I just can't anymore but it just seems impossible. I wish D could see what he has right now and not have to learn the hard way that you never know what you have till its gone. I'll keep you guys posted :)