So we made up

It was just one of those times where the bump in the road needed extra time to drive over. Things are back to normal with Kuma and me. It was certainly a learning experience that's for sure. I miss him so much, soon though I'll be with him. Going to be with him from the 26th -30th of April , can't wait then I'm going to be back in Houston in May to see him again.

Idk Wtf to do

I've been noticing that Kuma and I have not been clicking lately. We can't seem to ever say the right thing to each other. I'm so drained with trying to figure out the right thing to say and having to walk on egg shells. I honestly don't know what to do at this point, I told him we should take a break for a day or so to handle the stuff in our lives. I'm having to deal with work crap and my apprenticeship and he has work and school and having to prepare for his roommates family coming into town. Wtf do I do bc I have no clue, is there some manual to this?

What did I do wrong

I don't know if its something I did but Kuma and I have been kinda bumping heads. I had a bad day at work at he tried counseling me instead of just listening and being my support. I told him I'd txt him later bc I was frustrated and I think it clicked that I need his ears more than his mouth. I want to pretend everything is ok but I don't think it is. I'm not used to so many emotions to deal with. he is way to serious, I tried giving him a funny ha ha compliment tonight and he made it seem like I was degrading him. I said he's a sexy trophy bf meaning I think he's fucking hot and I'd be honored to be seen with him, but he took it to literal. yeah I get it your older than me but that doesn't mean you need to always try and guide me when I say something, by doing that it turns into this whole creepy father Son thing. I don't know what tomorrow holds, it could be bad or it could be good you never know. One thing I do know is that I want to be with him bc I see that he's worth it. I've never met another man like him. I have a place for him in my heart but there is still that uncertainty in the back of my mind. I'm always cautious when I'm dealing with matters of the heart. I haven't heard from him since I was helping my bro around 7:30, I don't know if he needs space or what. I left him a few voxer messages but no reply, my mind starts racing with so many answers. Guess I'm just preparing myself for him to leave like the rest. I'm also not going to allow myself to continue with a hopeless relationship if I see it turning into one. I'm trying I really am. The future is unknown at this time.

Living the dream!!!!

So I was just expecting today to be a normal busy Saturday at the shop when BLAMO my amazing boss Tony comes up and says these guys want ass tattoos do you wanna do em? I was nervous and hesitant but said yes. He said that's fine charge em 80 each and if their cool with it get it done. I talked to the guys and they backed out bc they said it was to expensive, I said well if you change your mind I'll be here. Sure enough they came back bc other shops said more obviously . 2 of the cowboys got "mo money mo problems" on their butts and the last guy got a fat mud flap girl on his butt. I had a blast with these guys. Now I know what its like to tattoo a butt. I also got to do a rad piece on some guys arm. What's even better my boss have me 50% at the end of the night. I am on cloud 9 bc I have my fucking awesome bf and I'm tattooing at the best shop around. I still have tons to learn and just make myself a bad ass artist. Oh and I'm learning to pierce so when I'm not tattooing I'll be making money piercing .

Blast from the past...but not in a good way.

Things are going great with my babe Kuma, I'm super happy to report that. I also got an apprenticeship at another tattoo shop, so now I'm working all day most days. I love being out of the house bc well its way to crowded here. Another thing I wanted to vent about is this, my Ex D text me yesterday from out of knowhere. I have not mesaged him in a long time since I made it clear in my mind that I'm going to be happy and be with Kuma. I deleted all his messages and emails from the past, deleted his little brother from my FB. I just cut all ties with him so that he could just be in my past and I can move on. Well he text me and I was kinda thrown for a little loop. I didn't need this especially while I was working a busy day at the shop. He said he was bored at home and wanted to say hi, I told him he didn't have the right anymore to be trying to contact me. I begged and begged to have him take me back after he was the one to fuck me over, that was sad and I realize that now. I am never going to allow myself to be his back up plan for when his current man sees that he's a waste of time bc all he does is cheat and lie. I hope he regrets not having me in his life anymore bc I now have someone who appreciates having me in his life everyday. I'm glad I met Kuma when I did, I had plenty of time to work on myself and know what I want for my life and build up my own self respect. I was a happy and satisfied man when I met Kuma and he just adds more to my life. I'm happy I don't have any baggage to bring into this relationship, I don't have trust issues with Kuma bc he's nothing like D. I realize now that with D I settled for so long bc I had low self esteem and always thought I would never find the kind of man I really wanted so I settled for him. The only thing D has in common with the kinds of men I like was his height and that he wasn't a stereotypical fem gay, other than that I loved him blindly. Kuma on the other hand just takes my breath away everytime I see him. He's furry in all the right places and his eyes are perfect. I want to just stare into them forever along with that smile. I can definately see myself waking up to that everyday and falling asleep to that every night. He's an amazing kisser my heart races everytime he touches me. Another thing that makes me so happy is that he has his life and does things, he goes camping and traveling. He loves living his life and doesn't make it all about work. He also loves games of all kinds from board games to video games, he's even apart of a gaming group called Gaymers I think. Could I ask for a more perfect man? Its like he was made for me and if he was I'm not complaining. I see a bright and happy future with him, yes I know its not always going to be rainbows and sunshine but if our love is strong we can work through anything. My friend said we are super compatible bc I'm an earth sign and he's a water sign, so yay more good news right. Lets just hope D sees that he no longer has a future in my life and moves on completely, he chose his path and now has to live with it. I have my path and I'm not walking it alone bc I have Kuma to walk beside me. Until my next entry I love you all.

Sad to say

My sister went to spi with her husband and daughter and it was so peaceful. Well now they are back, I love them it was just nice not to have a crowded house. I'll be happy when I move. On another note I got to see my buddy flash today, I miss hanging out with him, he's like another older brother to me. I found a full bottle of tequila in a rental car this morn and I gave it to him. He told me they are hiring but I don't feel confident with the power supply I have now. I still need to collect from slim but idk when that is going to happen. Looks like I've got $37 to my name till I get paid again... Damn them bills.

Paid off Betty

So I'm finally done paying off Betty, now all I have to do is get a fucking title and some minor details like ebrake and some hoses and fuses and lights. Simple right? Lol . Also have to sand her paint down so I can make her hot rod red

Part 2

Yeah it's been a few days sorry I started working on my Betty and didn't remember to write part 2. After the dance we went back to the camper and he made a really good chicken dish, I like his spur of the moment cooking skills. our first night in bed together was well magnificent! I love his furry chest and cuddling up with him. He is very sweet and gentle, makes me feel like I'm the only person in the world. The way he kisses and touches me makes my heart race, so let's just say our first night was perfect ;) . then waking up next to him justifying that it wasn't all a dream started the day perfectly. We then had breakfast that Kuma made, I'll admit he basically did everything the while trip I asked if he needed me to do anything but he said no. think all I was able to do was stir gravy and throw some trash ha ha. I think after that it's kinda a blur of pure happiness. I love the way he kisses me and makes me feel and we connect so well, I find myself opening up and talking to him about things I'd normally keep to myself. When I'm with him I feel normal and not like some outcast for loving cartoons and video games still. He is by far the most beautiful person I've ever seen inside and out. in the short amount of time I've been with him he has opened my eyes and shown me that I'm worthy of happiness and someone who isn't going to cheat on me. we watched movies and played video games together. He is even apart of a gamer group back in his town, how fucking awesome is that right. He has the most beautiful eyes that I could get used to seeing everyday. When he hugs me and squeezes me in his arms and pulls me in for a kiss I just melt. I've let go of my past and moved on from the pain, I have had time to heal and love myself and realize that I am happy alone. With that being said he makes me happier than I already am so why would I ever wanna let that go? I wanted to shower with him but sadly the shower was way to small to fit us both. next time we will for sure! Did I mention that he looks fucking amazing naked but that's all you get bc he's mine to look at I'm not sharing lol. My walls are crumbling down for him and I'm I'm with that. The hardest part was when we had to part ways. I didn't want to leave him, I almost shed a few tears but I'm not ready to let myself be that weak just yet. We have agreed that what we have is worth hanging on and trying a long distance relationship, I'm deeply committed to giving it a try and I know he is too. nothing has changed since I got back, he still txt and calls me and we Skype when we can..that shows me that he really is in it. Already trying to plan our next trip, it looks like we might not be together till end of march or mid April but you know  what they say right..."absence makes the heart grow fonder" I dream of him and he is in my mind and heart throughout the days, I had a friend tell me that I'm not a dater but more of a true relationship guy. He's right bc all I wanna do is share my life with someone who supports me and I support them. Don't think I can ever go back to my past even if it came knocking on my door bc of my Kuma, he is my future.