Numb

Lately I've been feeling like I'm seperate from everyone and everything. I tend to find myself thinking about the past and everything remins me of what was. Honestly I don't even remember when I left D, my days have all blurred together. I feel my heart aching inside my chest, it wants to be loved and not be invisible but at the same time is scared of the unknown. Sometimes I just want to be numb from this world so that I can get through the days. I see that my clouded mind has greatly affected my drawing and tattooing, I love it but been dazing off while at the shop. I just have so much running through my head all the time. I want to know if he has really moved on, and if he has I want him to tell me to stop loving him. I know a lot of people would say that I don't need him because of what he did, but sometimes I just want what I want. I remember crying in his arms when I first found out that my mom was sick again, and he was the only one who saw my tears when I would cry everyday. He wasn't always to thrilled that I tattooed at the apt but he never told me to give up. I remember always knowing what he was thinking and how he felt. That was the scary part, because I knew when he was talking to other men and when he wasn't. Right now I feel like curling up in bed and crying while feeling his arms around me. If I can no longer have that feeling then I'll have to learn to cope and move on, there will always be a spot for him in my heart. I just don't know if there is still a spot for me in his. I just have to keep moving forward with my life, don't let anybody in to disrupt my focus. I will put on a smile for the world to see while I cry on the inside for what I've lost. As far as anyone knows at work my life is perfectly in order, shows how trusting I really am.