This Sucks

So I have been living at my mom's house since I left D, well when we got back together I refused to move back in with him. I just needed the time to deal with the hurt still but I also want him to work hard at showing me that he can be trusted once again. I do miss him and sleeping beside him every night, but at what cost. Certainly not at the cost of giving up who I am, why is it so hard to just be you with D. He has this thing where he feels like he needs to put on this "Macho strait guy" act when we are in public, yet as soon as we are in private or with MY family he flips and starts hugging on me and being really gay sometimes. It makes me so mad because I can't do that, I act the way I act regardless of who I am around. Just wish he would call me babe in public like I do him, or not act like I'm just a friend when other people are around. I gave him a taste of it in Balmorhea for the Memorial Day Dance and he didn't like it. Maybe I need to do the same here, then again by not seeing him everyday or even talking to him everyday makes me want to hold him and kiss him more. I wish I knew what to do but I don't have the answers. Really need a fairy god mother right now. Guess only time can tell on this one. Going to just take it day by day, if he really wants to be with me then he will make the effort to come see me when he can or call me when he can because I'm not going to do the chasing he is.