I'm sorry

So I finally told R that I needed to just work on me, and it went kinda how I thought it would go. I knew he was going to take it hard but not that hard. I know he was and still is dealing with some family demons but I still can't let that get in the way of making myself better. I still want him as a friend even if he moves on, because its not often that you meet someone great like him. I rushed into things way to fast and the result was hurting him in the end. That was the last thing on my mind but I had to man up and tell him the truth. No more pussy footing around with people, I have to take full control of my life because nobody else can. My sis tells me that she would like to see me get back with D, but I don't see that happening. It hurts me when she says stuff like that, aren't you suppose to take my side? I get sad at times because I may not have a nice apt like when I was living with D but I wouldn't trade the time I have spent with my family. It hurts when someone brings him up like it doesn't hurt me. Its not like I am running away from the pain, its just that I feel like I can't get over it if everyone keeps talking about him like we are still together. If I keep my head up I know that someday I will not think about him or even flinch when someone brings him up, but for now I just try to keep myself from breaking down. I feel horrible that I hurt R like this, if I could make it up to him in any way I would. The more and more I learnt about his lifestyle, the more I began to realize that I had chosen the wrong path to take with him. I regret not being his friend first and being able to learn all about him and then pursuing something romantic. But that ship has sailed and I have ruined any chances of us ever getting serious. I now have to focus on my tattooing and making it my lifes passion, I know I will find someone someday. It just isn't the right time for me, but it will someday. I love you all!!!! Be safe, Be strong!!