........

What can I say, there are so many feelings that I want to express to the world right now. My life has taken such a different turn since I've left D. I can't believe he would do that to me, I gave him my entire world. I hope he can get his shit together before he breaks another heart. I've already kinda met someone already but don't want to rush into anything bc I don't want to get hurt and also I need time to heal from what D has done to me. I've explained my feelings toward this person and hope that he can understand what I'm going through. I like spending time with him but don't want him to be my excuse to not feel the pain of D's ways. I like that we have a whole lot in common and that he is so close with his friends and just very laid back, I will say that its not something that I'm used to. I'm used to being confined and not allowed to have friends. I know why now, bc D was worried that I would find out that he was talking to everyone and their mothers behind my back. I know my life will be beter without him but its still hurts to not be with him. I'm searching for jobs right now so that I can get my life together. I was talking to my best A and he told me that I never take the time to just get me right, I want to but I feel as though I might have pulled R in to deep already to not hurt him. I have to man up and let him know that even though we want to go full force into each other (so to speak lol) that I am going to need time to just be single. Its not like I want to date anyone else, I just need to live for myself for a while. I have no job, no vehicle, no money...yeah that looks like a hot mess right there. I'm in no position to be dating anyone right now. I just hope we can still be friends and hopefully one day when I'm able to stand on my own two feet we can be together.