Really Need a J O B

Okay its been two months since I quit my last job and now its really taking a toll on my life. I need to find something fast and soon, i plan to only be employed for the holidays just to pay for presents and to buy my tattoo gear and needles. Maybe I will keep it longer if its a great job, just in case my tattooing doesn't take off like I want it to. Planning on doing some online hiring tonight and some more in the morning after I do some cleaning. D doesn't go to work till 5 pm so hopefully we don't fight before he goes to work, plan on using his truck to go visit my mother. I miss her a lot, hope to never wake up and not be able to see her face. it makes me tear up when I think about her not going to be there one day. I wonder if i have made her proud of me. Truthfully this is not the life I wanted nor the man I saw myself ending up with, but I'm still young right. I think I have more growing up to do and one day I will see that D is either the ONE or NOT the one for me. We have known each other on and off for the past 4 1/2 years, a few more years might be just what I need to let me know if he is the one or not. Feeling kinda like a failure everyday and well D doesn't make it any easier, he makes it worse because he always belittles me and I have to constantly take it from him without saying what I really feel inside because I fear that if I do he will tell me to get my things and get out. I have nowhere I can go right now, my mothers house is full not to mention there is no such thing as privacy there. I don't have any friends to help me out for a bit, I have no job to pay for my own apt or get a roommate to stay with. Right now all I can do is just grin and bare with it. I am a strong man and I just feel weak and alone with out a solid job and good friends to remind me that I am great and I don't need a man to be safe and be alive.