What keeps me alive?

I live to keep my mother and father's blood alive, I live on to make them proud and not regret anything. I know my mother is going through a hard time right now and my father does not say what is hurting him the most. I get more out of those awkward silences than I could from their actual words, I can only imagine what they are feeling let alone thinking. I see that my mother is tired of fighting so long and having to be the strength of our family all the time, I see that my father sometimes hides behind his beer bottle because he is the second rock that holds the family together. I don't know what I would do if either of them were to leave me alone in this world. I hate to think about the worst case scenario but I can't help it, every time I see them I want to tell them I love them and that I want to know how they feel but I don't because I see how hard they work at keeping it hidden from my niece and siblings. Sometimes I just want to cry non stop and just break down and just give up, I don't know what i can do to help them other than just stand on the sidelines and pray for them. I know we are not the typical family where I can just cry on their shoulder about this, I just can't even though that is what I want to do. I remember having some special times with my dad when I was growing up, I remember we would talk some late nights and just be completely serious and sometimes cry together. I remember feeling like I could tell my father anything and everything. Another thing I never thought about was how hard it was to leave my mother when I left to live in Dallas, TX. I remember being completely fine the days before I left, but when I hugged her in those final moments before I set off I just didn't want to let go of her. I remember trying to not forget her perfume and trying to burn her eyes into my memory so I could always have them with me wherever I went. I thought to myself, "if it hurts this much to let go when I am moving to another town, how in the hell am I going to survive when she is gone for good?" I hope that day does not come soon. I will chant and pray my ass off for that day to be in the far far future, I want her to see my nieces grow up and see me finally get married to the man I am suppose to be with. I don't want to go to my parents house and only be able to say hi to only one parent. I love you mom and dad!!! With all the power I have within my body and soul I will give it my all to make it all okay, I promise!!!!