Been sick

Been sick but I'm slowly coming back to life :) so I started dating a guy and things were looking up when just my luck they took a turn for the worst like always ha ha. I should have not let my guard down so easily, I just see that me and him are on very different levels. I give 110% and he gave me 10%. I'm not mad just not happy at the possible outcome of this relationship. I knew there was a risk getting involved with another guy, there is always a risk right? If it ends then so be it, just life's way of letting me know I can't find love in the shit hole of a town. Good thing I didn't fall in love.

Tired of carrying everyone on my back

I have to take responsibility for a lot of stuff I don't even need to but I do because nobody else is stepping up to do them. I'm tired and close to just saying "fuck it do it yourself". I don't say much, I'm more of an observer. I've seen some pretty bad choice coming from some of the people around me and I want to say something but at the same time I don't feel like I have the right to say something. The way I see it is that of you don't care enough to help yourself I shouldn't go out of my way to help you out, if I see that you want change I don't mind helping out. I have major bills that I need to pay and so I work hard and make the money and save, others have even greater responsibility on their hands and don't save or plan anything. I have a lot of love in my heart but little compassion for those who expect others to pick up their slack.

Sold for $900 to the man with a creepy wife

Finally sold my crap mobile also known as my explorer. Gonna have to wait till Monday probably to get a newer car, I don't know if I should go to a dealership or buy off Craigslist again. I saw a nice dodge stealth for sale and I think it my be my brothers old stealth he sold a few years ago. It would be great to have it back in the family but All Mine he he I've always loved his stealth

Valentines day is fast approaching

I spent thanksgiving, Xmas , and New Years alone last year and I hope that's not the case this year. I've realized that I'm gonna be in Odessa for the next 4-5 years till I move to another town or state so I have time to build a relationship and have my special someone. I just can't find someone who has a bad ass life like I do, and it's not like I'm putting myself up on a pedestal, I just am awarded certain freedoms that most guys aren't. I can stay up at off hours of the night and party when I want because I don't work until 2 in the afternoon. I go to conventions in other states and I'd like my partner to go with me.

Made it through the chaos

I had a very successful day off today, I cleaned a bit and got to work on the explorer even when I didn't know what to do. I had to call my brother several times to ask about what to do, he's a very good brother because even though he was busy he took the time for my phone calls and walked me through my problems or gave me several solutions. After some money spent and a few trips to the auto parts store I fixed my u joints and fixed my muffler too. The explorer still drives like a dying horse but it gives me a little relief I need right now, because I need a car and while I'm saving to buy another car I can drive this bucket of bolts and sell it. I've come to a decision that I may only get around 800-1200 on it depending on the buyer, my brother said if I could come up with 1500-2000 he will loan me 1000 to buy a nice car for myself. I'm really counting on it, I move into the new apt next Monday and I want to be able to not worry a out a crappy car giving out on me. I miss trusting my car to go out of town in.

Day off

I didn't want to wake up today, just to many problems to think about. My car is a piece of shit and I need to get it to another town so my brother can look at it and possibly fix it but I can't drive it nor do I have the money for a tow. I have other bills I need to pay that are getting close to their due date and I'm trying to save every penny I have just to make it. I'm trying very hard not to give up but it's getting harder and harder everyday. My roommates girlfriend has a vehicle but I don't like to ask for her to drive me anywhere because she is pregnant and needs her rest. I'm working hard to buy another car while my co workers just bullshit away. I hate that they rely on me for rides. I feel like telling them to get their own cars so I don't have to feel like I am their messenger boy. The nice guy in me is slowly stepping back from the front lines and someone less nice is stepping up, I don't want to be selfish but they also need to know when to grow up and stand on their own two feet. I'm tired of having to always be responsible and make sure everything is ok. I'm done

Downsides to every passion in life

I've dedicated my life to tattooing, but it's can't all be happy times. There are those slow times that make or break an artist, the bills don't stop coming and the money isn't rolling in like it used to. The weather of the day greatly affect how my days go too. To make things worse my car broke down and I don't have the $$ to fix it. It's days like these that make me want to be home and just sleep till it's over. It's my roommates birthday today and I can't even buy him a drink. I'm not happy with my work and the progress I'm making. I'm trying to stand tough but life keeps slowly chipping my walls down. My biggest fear in life is that I'll wake up a failure in life. I don't want to be a small town tattoo artist who does half ass tattoos, I have one life and one shot at making it. I won't give up on my dreams, the strength is there I just have to be brave enough to find it and keep going.