So many hot bears at work

Yeah I just found a new appreciation for my job, there are so many hot bears to eye fuck lmao

Wow

That's awkward I just ran into my ex d sister at the mall and acted a though I was perfectly happy in my life. Fuck I miss him

Just got off work

Work had been great, even though it ended with n and d doesn't want me I'm not giving up on finding a guy for me that fits my life. Headed to east with my family for my moms bday party. I'm happy she's still with us.

Working

Wow the wind today is horrible, and I have to work in it.

Didn't last long now did it

I left N, well his words " I don't have time for any relationship" let me know its time to say goodbye. Then he says " I truly cared about you", yeah if he truly cared about me he wouldn't have started a relationship with me if he couldn't handle being in one. Thanksgiving blows this year ugh FML, Xmas is going to suck even more beause the past 5 xmas' I've been by D's side. I don't want to be without him anymore but that's not my choice to make is it? I love him with all my heart but he doesn't love me, I'd like to know how he stopped loving me and what I did that was so bad for him to move on. I guess I'll never know, I think I'm destined to live with a missing piece in my heart where D's love is suppose to go. If your reading this D just know that I love you forever and always. I'm not to proud to say that I want to be back by your side.

it took this long huh?

I can't get over how much I miss D, I feel like crying on someone's shoulder but I can't because I have nobody. I don't have any friends to turn to because I don't have any that are close to me like that. I'm alone in life right now, I'm tired of this feeling. I remember how I would cry on D's shoulder or in his arms when I first heard that my mom's cancer was back. It didn't matter what time it was, he would hold me and not let go till I was done. I felt safe with him, I just want that feeling back. I could tell him anything, fuck I miss him.

no phone till payday

So I may have given my phone a love tap that was to hard and cracked the screen, now I have to wait till I get paid on Friday to get a new one FML right lol. I told N and well he kinda freaked out on me, basically made it seem like I'm some violent monster who beats people. I'm not perfect nor have I ever claimed to be perfect, I made a mistake and I'm the one who has to pay for it not him or anyone else so why does he have to insist that I'm one step away from doing a killing spree. He keeps saying that he sees a lot of red flags already, well I see a lot more. He has no time for me because of his busy life, he might move away when he lands a job out of city or state, feels like everytime we are able to be together its just a sexual attraction. He says that he can't give me 100% of himself because he might move away and his busy life, so now I find myself asking myself if I want to wait to be dumped. I thought I finally found a great guy but like always its to good to be true. I have already told myself that it might work out in time, so that's what I'm giving it. If something else arises I'm just going to end it, I don't want to be in a relationship that's full of problems. I also remembered that it was D's bday a few days ago, having problems with N and D's birthday has gotten me into a sad mood. I still miss him, it doesn't help that everytime a relationship doesn't work out I think about him more and more. I can't replace him with anyone else, but he doesn't want me so what am I to do? It also sucks because we've spent xmas together for the past 5 years, I hate to decorate but I miss watching him decorate and force me to help him. I don't know if he reads my blog anymore.