These silly songs

Been absent for a while huh, lets do a quick catch up. Work is amazing, more amazing than I dreamt of. Been staying with slim more and more since I got back from seeing Kuma.  Just not a place for me at home anymore. I love my life how it is, but that's the thing. I love Kuma with all my heart but I look at my life and how much I love it the way it is. I've struggled through a lot to achieve this amazing family I've slowly been able to put together.  I have been plagued by the same thoughts for a few days already. What will I do when the time comes? Can I leave my tattoo family? Will I leave my tattoo family? I don't know how to say it or who to say it to so ill say it on here. I sometimes worry that Kuma is going to hold me back from my tattooing even though he supports me 100% my lifestyle isn't an easy one. I do what I want when I want bc I can, that's one of the privileges of tattooing. Now kuma on the other hand has his job and soon he will be busy getting his business off the ground, I hate to bring it up but there is also the age gap. Trust me when I say age is a number when it comes to love, but what about lifestyles. I'm young and I am very active, I smoke weed after work and on my days off. My job isn't really a job bc I get to draw and color on ppl all fucking day, when I get home I still have energy to be up till 5am. I don't see that being something very compatible in the relationship I have with Kuma.  I never talk about my worries to Kuma especially now since he's been in the hospital. I hate thinking it so that's why I never say it, but I need to concentrate on my tattooing and don't think my life mixes well with kumas :( what am I suppose to say to him, I love him and don't want to break his heart. I don't have any answers so for now all I can do is handle my life the best way I can and take whatever consequences come my way. Only think I know is that one day I will be named one of the greatest tattoo artists alive.

One more day!!

Its been what feels like forever since I've seen the man I love,but now we are only a day away from being in each others arms. So many things planned for our trip together. As long as I'm with him I'll be happy. The best thing I can do is stand by my man's side and live my life with him and take whatever we have to face head on. I'm working on getting Betty's title after I get back and after that I might be moving in with my friends so I wont have to sleep in my parents laundry room anymore. I'll. Be happy to be on my own, I make plenty of money to cover all my bills plus if I have my own room Kuma will be able to come stay with me for a few days. Not that there is anything to see or do in west texas lol. Lets see we have a tiny mall in both towns, a drive in theatre, some ok restaurants,  a gay club I hate going to, oh and there is one ok bar that does karaoke.  We'll figure something out when the time comes, he still has to meet the family too.

I dont know his past

I don't know what his past holds for our future but I'm willing to learn and not judge him for the past but for the man he is today. I don't like knowing he's in some kind of stress or pain and not being able to do anything about it. We have a tough road ahead of us after this trip. Idk when we will be able to see each other again, guess this is going to be one of our biggest challenges so far. I'm not going to give up. I love this man, he has given my life something its been missing for a long time. I knew the risks with having a long distance relationship when I first started talking to Kuma, it takes both ends to be strong enough to make it through. I know he has a lot on his plate, I only hope that it doesn't cause him to break and leave me. I can't afford to think like that, not at a time like this. I will give him all the support I can from wherever I am.

Best bday ever, well amost

<p>Spend my bday yesterday with some friends at the cinco de mayo celebration. Was a great idea to go, we got on a few rides while we were super high and had a blast. But the best part was my Skype date with Kuma. He completed it even though we are so far apart. I look at my ring and remind myself of how blessed and thankful I am to have him in my life. The days seem so bleak when I'm not tattooing or just at the shop now that I'm back. I got a taste of what it's like to live with him and I didn't wanna get on the plane and leave him. I was perfect seeing his face and telling him I love him just before I closed my eyes and when I would wake he was still there and not just a dream. I love the way he loves me, I've never been kissed the way he kisses me. I especially love his big bear hugs lol, and how he isn't afraid to show me affection in public. He's proud to be seen with me like I am with him. I had to get used to it at first but now it's second nature to me. We've worked and fixed on some of the issues we were saving for when we were face to face, I think we are communicating way better than when we hadn't seen each other. Going back on the 25th yay I can't wait, gonna go to Galveston to spend a day on the beach and do some other cool things. I'm just happy I'll be back in his arms and be able to smother him in kisses again ;)

Not the words I wanted to hear but needed

Told my boss at the shop I put in my 2 Weeks at work and he asked why. Kinda surprised me but now I know why, he knows I'm having trouble with some areas of my tattooing and doesn't want me to get into a situation where I can't tattoo bc I need to study and work on my drawing more and be broke. He said it would be wise to maybe work 3 days a week at work just so I'm making a for sure check every 2 Weeks. I messaged my old boss and he said he will try his hardest to get me into his branch which is closer to home and not as fucked up as the one I'm at now. I did read a tattoo book Kuma got me for my bday and learned a great deal about stuff I never thought about to ask my boss. So now that I kinda know what to ask I'm going to not hesitate to ask. I can't stop thinking of Kuma and missing him. I look at the ring he got me any chance I can lol, it's a beautiful ring but that's not why I always look at it. I can't stop looking at it bc it's from him, he gave it to me with all his love. Shows me that I really am appreciated and loved. It's no longer my life now, we are both striving for a future together and doing the necessary things to ensure our relationship survives. He surprised me when I was in Houston with him, I'm used to D acting like I was a complete stranger in public but Kuma holds my hand and doesn't hesitate to hug me for pics when there are dozens of ppl around, he even kisses me. It's all a new experience to me and I love it, I love him. Finally found the one I've deserved my whole life.

Counting down the days

Readily I count down the days to when I'll be in Houston with Kuma again. It's not the same being back home, I just don't fit in here. One thing that is really bringing me down is that my mom of all ppl is against me going full time with my tattooing. Does she think I did it as a hobby? This is my dream and I am going to achieve it. There isn't anything that will stop me from reaching it and holding me back from moving away as far as I possibly can. I don't need negative influences in my life. As it stands I am just biding my time here in midland till I have the skills and cash to move away and never look back. I know it's not going to be some fairytale when I move with Kuma but I know I won't have my dreams stomped on. Tired of having to wait on everyone and be a background person, I try to not be here as much or in my room a lot bc I just don't click well with their lifestyle. I strive for something better than settling for what I can get bc it's easy, I know I deserve a good and happy life so I'll do what it takes to get it. I was blessed with the perfect man and a huge opportunity to tattoo now I just have to work on brining to two together. I miss going to bed with Kuma next to me and waking up to his gorgeous face.

He ceases to amaze me everyday

So tonight we went to an event Kuma helps run once a month at a lil bar/club for his gaming group called gaymers. It took me a min to adjust and fall into the groove of things. I always find new ways to love this man everyday. I love being introduced as his bf, but hate that everyone acts like it was an impossible thing for him. He's a total catch and I'm the lucky one to have him in my life.