Headed in a great direction

So I've been enjoying the past few days talking with J, literally every night besides tonight we've talked for 2-3 hours on the phone. I have grown to really like him and see a great side of him. So very excited to go visit him in South Texas, I'm going to truly give him the chance he deserves. I will always love my x D but its time to try and move on. I'm happy he never gave up on trying to be with me, its paying off for him.

Taking care of the kids

Taking care of M's kids so she can make money at the shop, yeah its not my thing lol. Love them but I'm going to love giving them back even more. Wow I just changed her little boy's daiper and man this kid can shit.

Moving on

So I am going to take the leap and trust a guy I've been talking to. Going to go visit him on the 22nd for the weekend. I'm really excited to meet him, never seen the beach before. I have put this guy through the ringer and then some through my whole time knowing him and he's still been chasing me so that says something to me. I seriously didn't think his lifestyle and mine would be compatable but the more and more I look at it I realize that it doesn't matter. He completely accepts who and how I am with my tattooing, doesn't mind that I get tattoos. I am going to see how things go on the visit and if all goes well I feel like I could invest more time into him. Oh btw I love talking to him on the phone, never really have a dull moment.

Sometimes music takes the words right out of my mouth

This is how I feel when I think about D. 

Why do you keep coming back?

If your so happy with him now then ask yourself why you keep checking up on my life? I've already said that I will always love you no matter what, even though you hurt me. I am strong enough to look past that and just move on from that, I wouldn't have made myself look like a complete dumb ass trying to get a hold of you and asking your brother and my sister if you were single or if you missed me if I didn't want to be with you. You gave me mixed signals when you hugged me and told me you always thought about me yet say your with someone else, time is not on your side. I can't wait forever for you to decide if you want him or me, I'm not going to allow myself to be the second choice if shit hits the fan with him. Either you want to be with me or you want to be with him. If its him then fine, I'll be happy for you just don't give me some hope that your still thinking about me. If you want to be with me then man up and say so. I'm working my ass off to achieve my dream and live a fantastic life for myself, you can choose to either be apart of that because you love me or let me go for good. What I want from you is to be an honest man and love me for the rest of my life like you first promised me when you first said you loved me, no more secrets or talking to other men. Just have complete faith in each other. I can do that, just tell me you want me and we will be. No games or beating around the bush. Life is to short for all that, you know I love you so come and get me I'm right here D.

Didn't think I would be ok

I honestly did think that I'd be able to funtion today since I got my heart trampled on by D but you know what. I'm having a fucking awesome day lol. It hurt at first and felt like every breath was going to be my last but after a good sleep and some time around my awesome shop family I started feeling happy and realized that if D has moved on then I as least know that there isn't any false hope. I don't have to keep thinking if he's going to be with me now, he's moved on and happy so why should I keep dwelling on being single. I may not have a man but I'm fucking happy and thats all that matters. I love myself enough to just keep going, if D does decide to be with me then thats fucking great but if he doesn't then thats fucking great too :)

Comparison

Seems like I compare every man that I like to my X, idk if that's fair but its what I tend to do. Right now nobody is good enough for me, then again I can easily not be good enough for them. Its a fine line that I walk along, seems like I'm destined to fail if I keep measuring them up to the greatest loves of my life. If you know how I feel please tell me how you got through this. I need some help any help.