Hate when things happen and they are to good to be true, thought i found a guy i clicked with but it all went to shit :-(

New Tattoo

So I've been working on letting the boss man allow one of my apprentices to tattoo on me. Flash is a really good guy and I trust him with tattooing me. Its going to be a big rib piece, very colorful but with some black and gray work. A traditional Dagger with a ribbon that says LOVELESS on it and around the dagger are going to be some awesome sugar skulls. I can't wait to get it soon, still drawing it up and pushing to get it. Wish me luck guys.

What to do, what to do??

So I've been talking to a guy for a while, I'd say like a month through txt message. I met him through bearwww.com and he's a great guy as from what I can tell. I'm not having false illusions that he's going to sweep me off my feet lol, its nice to talk to someone who gets you. He's a very handsome man, we've even added each other to our facebooks and sometimes chat via facebook or bearwww.com or txt message. We'll I told him that I'm not looking for anything serious right now nor will I be until I finish my training next year. If we are still talking by this time next year I told him that I'd like to meet and so how things go. Its been nice talking to him over the weeks, he's really kept my mind on my apprenticeship. Well I've sent a few pics of me that had my I <3 U tattoo in them to him. I wasn't telling him I <3 U its just my tattoo and I can't remove it lol. So when he wrote back with <3 U one night I kinda freaked out bc I'm not ready to have someone throw that at me especially when I've never even met the guy. So I told him that I'm not ready for that and its best to cool it. He got mad bc well to him it was just a simple saying, but to me it means a lot more. I have been heartbroken so many times that I've become Loveless, so I told him that I just don't think we should throw those words around and well he told me that he wasn't in love with me and wasn't going to argue with me and said he's done. I felt like poop when he said that. I txt him a few times to just say that I freaked out bc it means so much to me and that I understood how he felt now. I told him that I didn't want to lose him bc he was a great guy, I let him know that if he wanted to continue to talk just to get at me when he wanted after he cooled down. I left him alone the rest of the day until the night and txt him if he wasn't going to talk to me anymore. He txt me back saying that I need to stop reading into things so much, I half agree with that bc its hard for someone like me who's been cheated on to not have a red flag when commitment pops up or I love you pops up. I've got my walls up so I don't get hurt, yeah I've let some down bc its nice to talk to someone who I'm attracted to and share a lot of things in common with. Well I messaged him this morning but no reply :( I'm not going to get my hopes up if he does decide to just drop me, not going to stress to much about it bc I know if I do I'll be taking focus away from my aprenticeship.

$350

So I talked to a guy today and he said he could fix my laptop for $300, I am trying to sell my Wii to make up half that. I'm planning on asking my parents to loan me the rest so I can finally get it fixed. I rely on my laptop so much. I also need to pay my phone which is $52. I don't make enough in tips right now bc the shop just opened and isn't getting the business it needs just yet. If I was a call boy I'm sure I can make enough to buy a house lol but I'm not going down that road. Lets just hope I can pull a miracle out of my broke ass and get it fixed and my phone paid.

Lighter

So last night this guy came into the shop to get one of our free tattoos, I helped him out and got him set up. I thought he left but later came back, and I noticed that he changed his shirt and fixed his hair. He wasn't getting a new tattoo just hanging around the shop. Well come to find out he was scoping me out, and yeah I was not interested. Before he left he slipped the receptionist a lighter with his number written on it, she handed it to me after he left. I was quick to say, no thanks but I'm keeping this bad ass lighter ha ha ha. MP our receptionist was so mad that I wasn't going to give him a shot, she told me he was cute and sweet. I still wasn't changing my mind because he was definately not my type. Oh and really who gives you a broken lighter with your number on it, better make sure that shit works when you give it to me. I think thats been the fourth number I've gotten from a guy while working at the shop, going to start a collection jar soon. I'm flattered but not interested in any of them.

One month down!!!!!!

So I finally completed my first month at the shop, I'm so happy that I got this far. I look back on my older posts of when I was eagerly waiting for them to call me. I remember being so nervous to take my drawing test that I almost threw up. I recall when my boss man told me I was good enough to become an apprentice in his shop, I almost cried but didn't want to look like some punk ass. My first day I was fucking nervous like the first day of school all over again, I remember being so scared to talk to any of the artists or other apprentices. I've grown to love them all and confide in them when I need help with something. I've seen numerous apprentices come and take the test to only throw this opporunity away. I love every minute of it and even though some times are hard and feel like they are breaking you down its all worth it. It makes you stronger. I was recently promoted to lead apprentice so that means its my job to direct the apprentices in whos doing what. I like it because I've held manager positions before so I'm used to it. I don't just sit on the sidelines and watch them work, I get into the cleaning with them and sign waving too. The title lead doesn't change all that much for me, just means that if they have a problem they tell me and I'll fix it and just be in charge of things so that they can focus on perfecting their drawings skills and learing from the artists. I see potential in everyone of them, its up to them to have the drive to reach the end and become a pro tattooist. I know I have the drive and the passion. I have made some bad ass friends at the shop and we have become a tight crew, I know what to expect from them and they know what to expect from me so we work smoothly together. I'm happy where I'm at now, and having these people around me has really helped me move on with my life.

Yeah it sucks playing around with all the guys at the shop, it just makes me wanna fuck so bad ugh why me. They have no idea what they do to me