No bueno

My family is thinking about taking a trip to San Antonio and I can't go because I'm about to get two jobs. I really would love to go and just be happy with my family, but then again I want to make money. Sometimes you just have to do what you need in order to get what you want. I want to be financially independent so I've gotta put my mind in full work mode. One day I'll have the time and money to do what I want, when I want. I know that I'm going to help out my parents with what I can and the rest is going towards my phone bill which is only $45 and savings for a car. Going to push myself as hard as I can to achieve what I need in my life, no time for much fun right now. I have my family beside me so its okay, besides I pass the time by playing Black Ops with my brother and L.

Starting over is never easy

Finally had a talk with D, cleared out a lot of emotions I've wanted to express. I will always love him because he was in my life for 5 years, but I will never be in love with him anymore. I don't think about him or going back to him, at first I thought I was just in the moment and I would just run back to him again. Then after a few more days I finally realized that I'm over going back to him. I am still hurt and can't see myself trusting anyone anytime soon. I am moving on but at a slow pace. My life is finally mine to live with no one to tell me no or hold me back, its either go with my flow or get out of the way. The 5 years I spent with D have tought me how to not treat someone you love, I know that when I do fall in love again that whoever he is will be the luckiest man alive. My love is deep and never ending, but my forgiveness is limited.

Why take one when you can have 2?

I have two job interviews tomorrow, think I'm just going to take both jobs. Need money to buy a car and I'm not doing anything with my life right now. I don't date or even go out so its the perfect time to work two full time jobs. I want to buy another Cobalt, mine was an 05 and was my little baby. I want a Lancer but they are really pricy, especially the one that I want. Cobalts are cheap and great with gas, would love a sun roof but that can always be installed right. This time I'll go with a two door Cobalt instead of 4 door, because I don't have kids and don't plan on moving anytime soon. Wish me luck guys, really hope I land these two jobs.

One day at a time right

So I don't really know how long its been since I left D, but I'm glad I got myself out of that lie of a relationship. A side affect I knew I was going to have is that when I look at a cute man all I can think of is," I wonder if he has cheated?" I have completely lost trust in men, I have no desire to be with one. One day I will open my heart again.

Everyday

Everyday I wake up I look back on my life and see what I need to change in order to not have a tragic repeat. Working on getting a job still, my cousin M called me a few days ago and told me that his friend was going to try to help me out. I have to turn in the application but my brother is taking forever with the suburban. I think it pays $9 an hour but if its less I don't care, something is something. Going to stop tattooing for a while because I've run out of some supplies and I can't afford to buy more. It has put a little sad cloud over my tattooing dream but still not going to let it stop me.

Unfamiliar territory

It feels strange to be single and not have a guy, I'm so used to always having someone. I like this independence from it all, I can think clearly and not have to worry about someone else for a chance. I am currently looking for jobs, need some money. I have a new plan. 1. Get a job 2. get a car 3. get a laptop 4. SAVE SAVE SAVE 5. Try my hardest to get an apprenticeship in Midland or Odessa. 6. Either move away if I don't land an apprenticeship or find my own apt if I do get my own place. I will have to work really hard if I want all this, but since I'm the one who is the only one keeping me from starving and being a broke ass I am extremely motivated. Had to trim my goatee today so that I won't look like a crazy ass when I apply, hope it helps. Feels weird to have it short again, but its only hair so it can always be grown back. My brother wants me to help him with his business as a locksmith, I'm thinking about it but don't want to get stuck doing it. I don't see myself living in Midland or even Texas for the rest of my life. I plan to move away to a place where I can be me and not end up with a openly proud gay man and have a group of great friends. But I'd like to have the group of friends more than a man right now, need to get out of this house. I love them but sometimes I need someone else to kick it with. Then again, I hate to be broke and go anywhere. So until I find a job I'm stuck at home with my loving family. I want to go to the clubs but not here, to many hoes. Everyone fucks everyone here and that is some nasty shit. Really thinking about trying to save up for a cruise, think it would be a great adventure and add to my life. I'm sure I'd be able to make some great friends from around the country. To travel is my ultimate dream, I just want to see as much as possible while I can. I only have 1 life and I'm not going to waste it in this town dating a loser.

I'm a survivor

I am an adult and need to finally take charge in my life and cut out what isn't good for me anymore. With that said, I have broken it off with D completely. I have not shown any remorse for us splitting up, its done. I wish I could have said, " I still love him unconditionally and want him in my life". But I just can't because he hurt me bad and I don't ever see him changing his ways, that is not what I want in my life. I have bigger plans that just being a small time tattoo artist who is stuck in my home town. I am strong and very able to reach my dreams if I keep my focus up and don't let anything or anyone distract me. Have some good work lined up for this weekend, so hopefully I can get more and more clients in the chair. Still haven't gotten a call from the shop that is suppose to be opening up in Odessa, if they don't call then I'll just keep my head up and try another place. Sooner or later I will get something. I finally love myself enough to stand up and be happy, even if that means being single. Midland and Odessa don't have anything to offer me when it comes to men, they are all just whores that like to sleep around. Thinking about moving away soon, don't know where but anywhere but here.