Not doing the best I thought I could

So its been a few days since I moved to Dallas with my friend A, I have not found a job yet and its kinda wearing me down. I don't have any idea where I am at because these roads are so damn confusing to me, hate feeling lost. Yes I will also admit that I am getting very homesick and have even started thinking that I made a huge mistake by leaving D, but I already made that decision and in doing so I hurt him. I just have to suck it up I suppose and just try to make it work out for the best. I want to be successful in life, but feel lonely without D by my side. I screwed up that relationship and I don't think I will ever get it back. Yes there were a lot of problems between us that needed to seriously be resolved, and I don't like being confined to such a over ruled life. I just wanted a simple little life with him, maybe have 2 or 3 good friends that we could hang around with and maybe go have dinner with or invite over for dinner and a movie or a game of Smartass. I know I have responsibilities like a car payment and some other bills like cell phone and internet to pay, but I have always had my own way of doing things. I know  I would have gotten a job soon and would have started making my tattoo work shine bright. I will take the blame for ending the relationship and breaking his heart, I have no shame in that. With that said though, a relationship is a PARTNERSHIP and not suppose to be where one fallows the other one around like a lost little puppy dog. I know in my heart that if D would have just cared more about what was going on in the inside of me rather than the part of me not having a job I would have stayed. Even now my family is showing him support for his grandfather, even my friend that he hates is showing him support. I wish he would have given me even a little bit of that attention when I was with him, I felt so alone when I stood next to him. He used to make me feel so happy and proud to tell everyone that I had him as my man, I remember starting every conversation with a new friend that included him in it. I was always telling them I was happily taken and had no interest in anyone else. Why couldn't you show me some damn love and support D? I was right there and you just stood silent and just watched me cry my eyes out in front of you. I needed your strength to help keep me up, and yet you refused to give it to me, why D? Why did you just try to run my life without ever trying to get involved. I gave you my heart and my full attention, I knew and cared about everything that ever happened in your life, I had big plans for our life. I noticed that you only showed me affection when it was convenient to you, I hate how you always seem to try and change right when I am leaving. Well if you would have just cared for me like I care for you in the first place like you should have done, I wouldn't be in Dallas with A and missing you and K so much that it makes me want to cry. I think of you a lot. I don't know if your family hates me again, or if you even want to talk to me. I just want you to know that if you open your heart to someone who has already given you theirs, then you will truly be happy instead of always fighting. You have a mouth for a reason, use it to tell the ones you love that you care for them and love them with everything you have. I miss being by your side. Right now I wish I could just close my eyes and make everything better, but I can't. I want to make mom better and live a happy life with the one I love by my side, but I suppose its not that easy huh. If you do read this, then I don't care if you want to bitch me out or tell me that I am a no good waste of time. Then do so without any regrets, just let me know how you feel because that is what I have been asking for this whole time we have known each other. I will say this, I love you and always will. Even when I am living in a different town, thank you for everything you have ever given me or shown me in the amount of time we have spent together.

Made it here

So I survived my first day in Dallas, I hope I can land a job soon so I can finally pay my car bill and my other bills as well. Going to look into what I can hopefully get into. Want a great job so I can pay bills and not be broke. Here is for hoping for a better tomorrow and better future.

Well tomorrow is the day

Going to be saying goodbye to my family tonight and leaving tomorrow at 9 am. Wonder if anyone believes I can make it in Dallas, if nobody believes I suppose I will just have to believe enough for everyone. I am sad because I might have to miss xmas with my family this year because I might not have enough money to get back down here and back to Dallas.

End of the Week

I am leaving this week on Friday or Saturday morning, some of my family is not happy about my decision but I just have to keep my head up and try to live my life. I just want my life to come together and just include my family, my friends, and my career (tattooing).

Almost Ready

So I finally got my tire fixed and my oil changed with a fresh new oil filter, I am almost ready to move. I just need to sell my camcorder and say goodbye to my family and hope that I don't get lost on my way. Looking forward to seeing the big bright lights of Dallas my new home, but I am hoping to still have some money to travel back to Midland for X-mas with my mother and family. I like sleeping on the couch at my mom's lol, very peaceful and warm unlike D's apt. Was always so cold and blah there, would have killed to leave the freaking Heater on there. Hmm I wonder if A wouldn't mind keeping the heater on a low setting to keep it warm there. I applied at the ZOO lol, hope I get the job. Everyone wish me luck.

Dallas

So since last time I was on here, I was in a relationship with D and was living with him and K. Now I am living with my mom as of 20 mins. ago. When I get enough money to fix the car for good and then I'm on my way to Dallas to live with my bestie A. Hope I find what I am looking for down there, which is a job and my tattoo career.

Drawings

So I am an aspiring tattoo artist and so far I have made a portfolio of what I can do so far, take in mind that I am not claiming to be a pro at drawing. I want to start an apprenticeship at a great tattoo shop where I can learn the business and get hands on techniques on drawing. I want to be a great tattoo artist.